Happy Ending

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I dig out the old typewriter

as I want to drunk write

a crazy flamboyant story

Moulin Rouge style

only the whore doesn’t die

but lives happily ever after

having renounced her ways

stopped hawking her wares

for a handful of rose petals

a treasure chest filled with hope

wild kisses beneath a lamp post

silhouettes backlit by the storm

a canary bird waking up at dawn

twirling on its perch, notes emerge

from its tiny beak a power surge

powerful as waves on a fractured shore

there lies the beauty of being a writer

tap tap tap go the keys

you can rewrite, relive, tweak

each and every bit of the story

my whore has red stains on her cheeks

vivid colour induced by satisfied lust

I’ve taken out consumption, disease

added drama I deem alluring

it’s perfect now as it is—romantic—

tempestuous, but with a happy ending

*This was written and posted 2 years ago, but I like it enough that it’s worth reposting*

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Unfinished Business: What’s So Good about Sequels…?

Please visit Tom’s blog to read and like the original post, thank you 🙂

Idle blogs of an idle fellow

Most authors will be familiar with having finished writing a novel. Sometimes it’s completed for as long as 24 hours before another rewrite is underway. That’s fine. That’s how novels are written, but my 79,000 words of Unfinished Business have been sent to the publisher. There are no more late night edits to be undone in the morning. It will be bound up in proofs the next time I see it, safe from any more changes. It seems a long time ago that a friend suggested I write a short film and I came up with the idea of a retired 80s wrestler who morphed into a character even bigger than Ricky ‘Nasty’ Bashcraft, or Giant Haystacks.

Just as its proprietor Scott Wildblood needed a wingman The Life Assistance Agency now has a companion, as there’s nothing worse* than a novel sitting alone, full of friends and enemies bouncing off the…

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What’s the best thing about being a Writer?

Idle blogs of an idle fellow

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
Ernest Hemingway

With New Year intentions often to write a novel in a year, or in some cases a month, this is a good time to consider what’s so bloody great about being a writer. I do wonder if some people get writing confused with reading. One is a strangely magical experience, which tingles otherwise untouched parts of you, like sausage rolls but without the guilt. The other is the challenge of typing whilst simultaneously wringing your hands and swearing quietly.

Perhaps it’s despair at such sudden disappearance of Yule Logs from the shops after Christmas that drives people into the collective arms of writing groups, or perhaps it’s just to emulate all those fantastic books read during the holidays. But don’t be rash, those rather delicious afternoons with nothing to do but…

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Bonne Année – Happy New Year

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What a year 2018 has been…

I started it bottle blonde and I’m ending it as nature intended: brunette.

I finished my Master’s.

I argued with far too many people on Twitter.

I read a truckload of books, too many to count, but here are the ones I particularly enjoyed – in case anyone is looking for random recommendations:

The Immortalists – Chloe Benjamin

Patronising Bastards – Quentin Letts

Lethal White – Robert Galbraith

The Nix – Nathan Hill

The Destroyers – Christopher Bollen

See What I Have Done – Sarah Schmidt

Priestdaddy – Patricia Lockwood

This could hurt – Jillian Medoff

Marlena – Julie Buntin

Sing, unburied, sing – Jesmyn Ward

The Chalk Man – C. J. Tudor

Grist Mill road – Christopher J. Yates

Death in Bordeaux – Allan Massie

Dark summer in Bordeaux – Allan Massie

Cold winter in Bordeaux – Allan Massie

End games in Bordeaux – Allan Massie

Magpie murders – Anthony Horowitz

Ill Will – Dan Chaon

Sharp Objects – Gillian Flynn

Narcissus and Goldmund – Hermann Hesse

Sapiens: a brief history of humankind – Yuval Noah Harari

Homo Deus: a brief history of tomorrow – Yuval Noah Harari

The Craftsman – Sharon Bolton

The death of Mrs Westaway – Ruth Ware

The woman in the Window – A.J. Finn

Snow Blind – Ragnar Jónasson

Mr Penumbra’s 24-hour Bookstore – Robin Sloan

The Marriage Of Opposites – Alice Hoffman

And my all-time favourite this year, and also the one I finished only yesterday: The improbability of love – Hannah Rothschild.

(I absolutely adored this book)

I did take too many selfies…I could say I’ll try to stop doing that but…who would I be kidding – I’ll most probably be as bad next year.

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I ate too much generally (definitely far too much chocolate) drank too much alcohol but I worked out almost everyday. I took long walks on the beach and out in the countryside, I got lost among trees, I danced in my house, outside it, I laughed, I cried, I tried hard to remember that life is all too short and you’ve got to take the time to do the things that matter to you. I’m stating the obvious, I know, but who cares, it’s the truth.

2018 started with a real low: I lost my beloved grandmother in January, and ended with a high: there was a very special 2 year anniversary this December…such is life: pain & happiness and a range of other emotions in between.

Happy New Year to all of you lovely, lovely people – I’ve got high hopes for 2019.

*the pics are last week’s (19th) before a night out in London – I haven’t taken any selfies since…they might as well be the last ones to appear on this blog in 2018*

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Album of the Year 2018 – Paper Kites: On The Corner Where You Live

Idle blogs of an idle fellow

The worst thing about Albums of the Year pieces is  realising how much music has been released without anyone having told you. Mind you, most music sites seem to be competing in who can chose the most obscure albums.

The second worst thing is writing them. It’s my own fault. No one asked for my opinion on a rather narrow selection of albums released each year. And yet another annoying thing is that albums such as the brilliant Haiku from Zero by Cut Copy was actually released in 2017.

I was going to write a long list, but really there’s only one album of this year. Albums that stop you dead in your tracks are few and far between, which is probably a good thing, as I was driving when I first listened to it. But they do exist, and as neither GENTS nor Real Lies have released their 2nd album…

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Happy New Year and thank you all.

Idle blogs of an idle fellow

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

It must be Christmas because I’ve just spent half an hour trying to remove sellotape with forensic levels of care from the wrong part of the parcel I was wrapping without tearing the paper.

James Bond is on the TV and he’s already seduced a woman with nothing more than a one-liner and a ruffled hair do. I was caught up in the timelessness of it until I spotted one of Ken Livingstone’s hated bendy-buses crossing Westminster Bridge. The weather is mild and damp. The fridge is full of food that no one is allowed to touch, and the tree in the living room needs its own security force to keep inquisitive children away. It must be Christmas

I want to…

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The Absolutely Best Advice on the Internet is…

“Life advice is something people once went to pubs for, alongside flat beer and sticky carpet. Being regaled with ancient wisdom from bedraggled men escaping their wives at the bar was once a rite of passage for younger folk, who now deliberate whether to like pictures of restaurant food on social media with a thumbs up or an emoji instead…”

Idle blogs of an idle fellow

Remember this, folks – I am a Hillbilly, and I don’t always bet the same way I talk. Good advice is one thing, but smart gambling is quite another. 

Hunter. S. Thompson

Perhaps it’s because everyone is an expert these days, but people have an opinion on everything. The most liberating thing to say is, ‘I can’t comment because I don’t fully understand it.’ I’ve been supporting a football team for 20 years and still don’t understand the point of substitutions in the 90th minute. To be honest I’m beginning to wonder what the point of football is full stop, but that’s another blog. Advice is much the same, dished out like Sunday newspaper supplements without much thought as to where it all ends up.

Live every day like it’s your last‘ is the sort of advice that flies about like a flu bug: impossible to pin down…

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Merry Christmas

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I’ve been unwell for the past 4 days (bad cold) but this morning I had to go look for my Little Miss Christmas t-shirt (which funnily enough only comes out of the wardrobe at this time of year) to try to get into the spirit of things since the big day is almost upon us. (I can hardly effing believe it) 

There’s no way we’re going to get a white Christmas and that makes me bloody sad…and so many others happy – the snow-hating bastards. But… Santa knows where they all live (and he’s a special friend of mine) 

*Inserts Machiavellian grin* 

Merry Christmas to all of you lovely people  – eat, drink…whatever else…and whoever you’re with: enjoy it. 

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Book Plug

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I’ve just finished reading Pantheon by Eric Syrdal (his blog can be found Here )

I don’t do book reviews for a good reason: I’m no good at writing them. So you’ll just have to trust me when I say Pantheon is an epic, unforgettable read: it’s a novel told in free verse poetry and I could not put it down. Granted, I was already an Eric fan before picking up his book because he’s a master word weaver…but this blew me away. If you’re looking for a new book recommendation, you could do much, much worse.

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Controversial writer

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Anyone who’s followed this blog for a while will know I’ve been studying for a Master’s in Creative Writing for the past 2 years.
Well, it’s officially over. On Monday I got the result of my 15,000 words on Freedom of Speech. I knew all along my chosen subject was highly risky in the current climate, but I felt compelled to write about it.

Monday was tough – the result came in a day early – I didn’t get the high mark I was hoping for. I should say I was hoping against all odds.

I’m one of those annoying people who is academic, who gets the A* and the distinctions, etc…it’s embarrassing to admit and it’s rather sad but on Monday when I saw the mark I was awarded I wanted to cry. I DID actually cry later on in the day. People were congratulating me on having passed and I was thinking: Nat, you’re a failure.
I did try to put a brace face on it for the benefit of others: “I kept my integrity and that’s more important than a distinction” I told them. But oh, how I wanted that fucking distinction!

So I mourned all of Monday. I did think WHY didn’t you pick a subject that wasn’t controversial?

By Tuesday I was over it. I knew what I was doing when I chose free speech, I knew the risk – someone said when I told them what I would be writing about: “striking in the heart of academia, it’s bold, I like it” – I knew I wouldn’t end the masters on a high, grade-wise, but there was genuinely nothing I’d rather have written about than Freedom of Speech. So now the mourning is over, I can honestly say I have no regrets and that integrity IS indeed more important than a distinction.

I’ve been fighting for freedom of speech for so long, it has cost me friends, lots of followers on this blog, it has caused me untold grief already but I will never stop because it’s something I passionately believe in and the assault on free speech has been relentless in the last couple of years.

But, anyway, I have a Master’s now – I guess that makes me a writer. An opinionated, controversial type apparently, but I wouldn’t have it any other fucking way.

Oh, And I’m in a selfie mood today –

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