Modern Fairy Tale

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Cinderella was in the scullery, cleaning up the mess her two bitch stepsisters had left after a late night supper, when her Fairy Godmother came in and said: “the time has come for your life to change my child. You shall have a beautiful gown and go to the ball tonight. Prince Charming will pledge his love for you and you will have a wedding befitting a princess.”

Cinderella replied: “I wouldn’t mind going to the ball, I haven’t been out of this house for years. And how I’d love a beautiful gown!
I do not want Prince Charming’s love though, I heard he cannot string a sentence together and has never read a book in his life.

If you want to help me, can you please put me through Law School instead? I’ve been reading up on it, and although Human Rights Law is appealing to me for obvious reasons, I’m more interested in Criminal Law – wouldn’t it be fantastic if I ended up nailing my stepmother for stealing my inheritance the way she did?

Father has been rendered blind by her ginormous fake boobs and can’t see past them – he’s let her get away with murder because she knows a few tricks in the bedroom. My father is a deeply flawed human being who’s being led by his dick – so I’ve been reduced to being a maid to a selfish whore and her vile daughters – in my own home!
You’re right Fairy Godmother, it’s time for my life to change – but if you’re going to use your magic wand to help me, do it so I can help myself. Law school is the way to go, not Prince Charming”.

Fairy Godmother was left bemused by this speech – she suddenly felt out of touch with the world – but she’d always had a soft spot for Cinderella whom she found such an unusual child.

“Young girls these days! You and your modern ways….. I must confess I don’t understand it, are you sure about Prince Charming? He’s very handsome you know, and all the girls want him…..”

“Handsome isn’t enough Godmother! I need a man who can stimulate my brain, someone who can challenge me. Handsome is alright for a quick roll between the  sheets, but…. that’s it! In any case, it’s not a man I need right now – but the means to escape this house and have the life I need and deserve. And that means Law School. Please Fairy Godmother?

Fairy Godmother could not resist this plea. After all, her wish was to help Cinderella and no, this was not the way things were supposed to go (she had been so sure marriage to Prince Charming was what any girl wanted) but only a fool would refuse to adapt to circumstances.

So it was that Cinderella went to Law School, graduated with honours and joined a promising Law Firm. She specialised in criminal Law and soon became a kick-ass Lawyer with a stellar career – the highlight of which came when she opened for the prosecution after her stepmother was busted for some shady property deals.
The whore stepmother went down for 5 years, and that day was a sweet one for Cinderella.

One of her stepsisters ended up marrying Prince Charming and gave him 3 kids – though at least two of them bore a striking resemblance to the candlestick-maker. Not that Prince Charming noticed – he really was that dim – plus he was too busy spreading his seed all over the kingdom anyway.

The other stepsister started turning tricks in the woods outside the castle after her mother’s jail sentence; not surprisingly, her married-to-a-Prince bitch sister turned her back on her.

Cinderella’s father found another wife with (fake) pneumatic breasts and suffered a coronary one night while his face was buried in them. He died with his head stuck in between two large silicone bags – it’s fair to say Cinderella didn’t mourn him much.

Cinderella had a 6-year relationship that ultimately didn’t work out. She’s currently dating someone though. She’s happy.

The Fairy Godmother has caught up with modern ways. She sips at her glass of Chablis and marvels at Cinderella’s wisdom – and at the fact this smart girl taught an actual Fairy Godmother ffs, a valuable lesson: it takes a hell of a lot more than a magic wand to change someone’s life for the better.

*Additional note: I wrote this a few months ago but not many people saw it at the time, so I’m reposting it because I have a lot of affection for this little tale.

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43 thoughts on “Modern Fairy Tale

    1. We were talking about Disney’s Frozen (I thought it was predictable, patronising and annoying) then went on to talk about fairy tales, when this girl with giant and obviously fake boobs walked in and I jokingly said: “that’s probably what those step-mothers in the tales were like, hence the fact the fathers always let them treat their own daughters like garbage. Those step-mothers must have had some ‘wicked’ powers”. The second I said that, this image of an older guy having a heart attack while his face was buried in giant boobs came into my mind (I have a sick mind obviously, I know) and that started it all – whole sentences starting forming in my head and I stopped my friend mid-sentence while I whipped my phone out to type it all down. Luckily she is used to this type of rudeness from me, like most of my friends. I do this on a regular basis: start frantically typing ideas and randoms bits of sentences in the middle of conversations – but you tell me how else I’m supposed to make sure I won’t forget it otherwise, you know? When an idea suddenly hits you, you’ve got to take note. It doesn’t always lead to something but sometimes it does. Anyway, you know all, I bet you’re sorry you asked now 😉

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  1. OMG Purple, you just single-handedly and effortlessly succeeded in damaging me for life and I literally died laughing! 😂😂😂

    Look how you made an army of skanks of some of the fairy tale things! So, let me get this straight…..Cindy’s dad’s the sore loser who not only hooked up with the queen of dumb blondes but also became stepfather to her bitchy daughters! It also checks out that Prince Charming’s a dim-wit?! 😨Hahahaha! 😆😆😆 You. Are. Incorrigible Purple and you do spin an incredible yarn! This is a certified rib-cracker and it also reminds of that great star-studded blockbuster…’Mona Lisa Smile’, starring Julia Roberts as an intellectual and academic; who tried so desperately to work on the self-esteem of a group of conservative young ladies, by urging ’em on to ditching being married off to suitors, pursuing careers in law and some other professions I think, and just aim and reach for the stars!

    I had a lotta crazy fun reading this hilarious piece and you are simply outta this world! I swear it! Thumbs up! 😂😂😉

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  2. Ha-ha, so love your version, smart girl that Cinderella! What a fitting demise for Cinderella’s father, especially well deserved! Your entire spin, absolutely delightful (I had a good laugh), and a very clever recap of what happened to all the characters!

    Take good care,
    Pepperanne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I’ve ruined it, haven’t I? The thing is, I may be a bit of an exhibitionist in private, but never ever online. I only used this picture because I was pushed for time and couldn’t find anything at all on the net to go with the post…so I used what I already had, but tame as it may have been, I still couldn’t bring myself to post it as it was…hence this sorry excuse of a pic 😉

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  3. That was fucking awesome, sorry I couldn’t help myself with the f-bombage…I needed a giggle, thank you, so cleverly done, very witty…with all the large boobage…hehe smiling ear to ear
    xx Paris

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s how I usually pronounce it, but I ran across someone the other day that pronounced the “th”, I’d never heard it that way before 😉 Thank you honey again for your incredible support!! xx Paris

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