Cinderella was in the scullery, cleaning up the mess her two bitch stepsisters had left after a late night supper, when her Fairy Godmother came in and said: “the time has come for your life to change my child. You shall have a beautiful gown and go to the ball tonight. Prince Charming will pledge his love for you and you will have a wedding befitting a princess.”
Cinderella replied: “I wouldn’t mind going to the ball, I haven’t been out of this house for years. And how I’d love a beautiful gown!
I do not want Prince Charming’s love though, I heard he cannot string a sentence together and has never read a book in his life.
If you want to help me, can you please put me through Law School instead? I’ve been reading up on it, and although Human Rights Law is appealing to me for obvious reasons, I’m more interested in Criminal Law – wouldn’t it be fantastic if I ended up nailing my stepmother for stealing my inheritance the way she did?
Father has been rendered blind by her ginormous fake boobs and can’t see past them – he’s let her get away with murder because she knows a few tricks in the bedroom. My father is a deeply flawed human being who’s being led by his dick – so I’ve been reduced to being a maid to a selfish whore and her vile daughters – in my own home!
You’re right Fairy Godmother, it’s time for my life to change – but if you’re going to use your magic wand to help me, do it so I can help myself. Law school is the way to go, not Prince Charming”.
Fairy Godmother was left bemused by this speech – she suddenly felt out of touch with the world – but she’d always had a soft spot for Cinderella whom she found such an unusual child.
“Young girls these days! You and your modern ways….. I must confess I don’t understand it, are you sure about Prince Charming? He’s very handsome you know, and all the girls want him…..”
“Handsome isn’t enough Godmother! I need a man who can stimulate my brain, someone who can challenge me. Handsome is alright for a quick roll between the sheets, but…. that’s it! In any case, it’s not a man I need right now – but the means to escape this house and have the life I need and deserve. And that means Law School. Please Fairy Godmother?
Fairy Godmother could not resist this plea. After all, her wish was to help Cinderella and no, this was not the way things were supposed to go (she had been so sure marriage to Prince Charming was what any girl wanted) but only a fool would refuse to adapt to circumstances.
So it was that Cinderella went to Law School, graduated with honours and joined a promising Law Firm. She specialised in criminal Law and soon became a kick-ass Lawyer with a stellar career – the highlight of which came when she opened for the prosecution after her stepmother was busted for some shady property deals.
The whore stepmother went down for 5 years, and that day was a sweet one for Cinderella.
One of her stepsisters ended up marrying Prince Charming and gave him 3 kids – though at least two of them bore a striking resemblance to the candlestick-maker. Not that Prince Charming noticed – he really was that dim – plus he was too busy spreading his seed all over the kingdom anyway.
The other stepsister started turning tricks in the woods outside the castle after her mother’s jail sentence; not surprisingly, her married-to-a-Prince bitch sister turned her back on her.
Cinderella’s father found another wife with (fake) pneumatic breasts and suffered a coronary one night while his face was buried in them. He died with his head stuck in between two large silicone bags – it’s fair to say Cinderella didn’t mourn him much.
Cinderella had a 6-year relationship that ultimately didn’t work out. She’s currently dating someone though. She’s happy.
The Fairy Godmother has caught up with modern ways. She sips at her glass of Chablis and marvels at Cinderella’s wisdom – and at the fact this smart girl taught an actual Fairy Godmother ffs, a valuable lesson: it takes a hell of a lot more than a magic wand to change someone’s life for the better.
*Additional note: I wrote this a few months ago but not many people saw it at the time, so I’m reposting it because I have a lot of affection for this little tale.
I was non-stop laughing about Cinderella’s Father’s obsession to boobies HAHA and that was a fantastic plot twist to the original story! Cinderella being a lawyer, who knew? 🙂 Very clever 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you very much, the whole thing just came to me when I was having lunch with a friend, like those things usually do 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love it! So funny, and true 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much, I really enjoyed writing it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! Enjoyed that. Did you mention it to your friend at the time?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We were talking about Disney’s Frozen (I thought it was predictable, patronising and annoying) then went on to talk about fairy tales, when this girl with giant and obviously fake boobs walked in and I jokingly said: “that’s probably what those step-mothers in the tales were like, hence the fact the fathers always let them treat their own daughters like garbage. Those step-mothers must have had some ‘wicked’ powers”. The second I said that, this image of an older guy having a heart attack while his face was buried in giant boobs came into my mind (I have a sick mind obviously, I know) and that started it all – whole sentences starting forming in my head and I stopped my friend mid-sentence while I whipped my phone out to type it all down. Luckily she is used to this type of rudeness from me, like most of my friends. I do this on a regular basis: start frantically typing ideas and randoms bits of sentences in the middle of conversations – but you tell me how else I’m supposed to make sure I won’t forget it otherwise, you know? When an idea suddenly hits you, you’ve got to take note. It doesn’t always lead to something but sometimes it does. Anyway, you know all, I bet you’re sorry you asked now 😉
LikeLike
OMG Purple, you just single-handedly and effortlessly succeeded in damaging me for life and I literally died laughing! 😂😂😂
Look how you made an army of skanks of some of the fairy tale things! So, let me get this straight…..Cindy’s dad’s the sore loser who not only hooked up with the queen of dumb blondes but also became stepfather to her bitchy daughters! It also checks out that Prince Charming’s a dim-wit?! 😨Hahahaha! 😆😆😆 You. Are. Incorrigible Purple and you do spin an incredible yarn! This is a certified rib-cracker and it also reminds of that great star-studded blockbuster…’Mona Lisa Smile’, starring Julia Roberts as an intellectual and academic; who tried so desperately to work on the self-esteem of a group of conservative young ladies, by urging ’em on to ditching being married off to suitors, pursuing careers in law and some other professions I think, and just aim and reach for the stars!
I had a lotta crazy fun reading this hilarious piece and you are simply outta this world! I swear it! Thumbs up! 😂😂😉
LikeLike
Thank you, I’m glad you found it entertaining even if I “damaged you for life” haha
What can I say, this is the way my brain obviously works, I can’t help it 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really a fun piece. I enjoyed it immensely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Pontificator 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is just perfect 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are welcome! Thank you for sharing 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice twist, bringing back a classic to the adult world. Fairy tales were originally meant for us anyway.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, taking back what’s ours indeed. Fairy tales were always dark before they were “Disney-ified” 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very creative dear! Thanks for the laughter & smiles while reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Jay, happy to have brought smiles and laughter to your day 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello Purple Anais – this feminist rendering of Cinderella takes the cake (or should I say, the pumpkin?). Love your imagination…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I guess I do have a bit of a (sick) imaginative mind 😉
LikeLike
I wouldn’t call it “sick” at all….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was joking 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Waiting for your next piece. This was fun by the way– an adult drama movie of “Cinderella”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! Thanks for your visit and for taking the time to comment too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha-ha, so love your version, smart girl that Cinderella! What a fitting demise for Cinderella’s father, especially well deserved! Your entire spin, absolutely delightful (I had a good laugh), and a very clever recap of what happened to all the characters!
Take good care,
Pepperanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Pepperanne, I’m glad you enjoyed it and that it made you laugh – it *was* meant to be funny too 🙂
Have a great week – Nathalie
LikeLike
beautiful this post
and the beautiful picture of you
marcello
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
:)))))
LikeLiked by 1 person
Quite a tale. It’s a shame you obscured the picture.
LikeLike
Yes, I’ve ruined it, haven’t I? The thing is, I may be a bit of an exhibitionist in private, but never ever online. I only used this picture because I was pushed for time and couldn’t find anything at all on the net to go with the post…so I used what I already had, but tame as it may have been, I still couldn’t bring myself to post it as it was…hence this sorry excuse of a pic 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol. No problem
LikeLike
😉 Thanks for reading my little tale
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was fucking awesome, sorry I couldn’t help myself with the f-bombage…I needed a giggle, thank you, so cleverly done, very witty…with all the large boobage…hehe smiling ear to ear
xx Paris
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, I’m really pleased you liked it. Thank you for reading and for your kind words too, it means a lot to me xx Nathalie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautiful name and I apologize if you told me before. Do you pronounce with a hard “T” or a soft “th” ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Being French and living in England, I get asked that question all the time – the h is silent 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s how I usually pronounce it, but I ran across someone the other day that pronounced the “th”, I’d never heard it that way before 😉 Thank you honey again for your incredible support!! xx Paris
LikeLiked by 1 person
great write 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
you are welcome 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love this. You are hilarious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 😉
LikeLike