I was wrong

npd-elizabeth-bowen

Last night, at 22.16 exactly, I blocked a number on my iPhone. I didn’t do it out of anger or some other equally strong emotion, but simply because there was no other way. I had been told to f**k off. One too many times. I could almost feel the heat of this person’s rage coming through the phone, in waves that threatened to engulf me.

There is something quite frightening about such anger being directed at you when you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
There is something bewildering about such rage being directed at you when you’ve given the person in question so much of your time and energy, when you’ve given them chances after chances and they keep blowing it.

If anybody should have been raging and swearing yesterday, it should have been me. I gave so much, they took, they showed no gratitude, no respect, they lied, stonewalled, they twisted things β€” and when confronted, refused to admit to having done anything wrong, flew into a wild rage and accused me of all the things they’re guilty of themselves. Well, I’d been there before, I knew there was no choice but to block – no contact is the only way.
I admit to being naive, conceited even – I thought I could handle the narcissist this time around. I was wrong.

This post is going to fuel the rage – without a doubt, there will be retribution, a social media purge added to my name being tainted even further but…I was never a coward and this is my blog, a “diary” of sorts – nobody is going to dictate what appears here, no fucking way.Β 

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Brick wall

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narcissist-will-say-get-over-it.

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Hell hath no fury

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52 thoughts on “I was wrong

  1. Nathalie, I want to be thoughtful with my comment, as β€œThe Narcissist” DESERVES NOTHING! Their egos are so easily stroked and fed with any type of attention, both good and bad. Your last paragraph sums things up, you know what you’re dealing with and what to expect. Wishing you the very best. ~ Mia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mia, you are right, narcissists thrive on any kind of attention, good or bad. NPD is actually a terrible, frightening and destructive thing, I can only feel sorry for anyone afflicted with this disorder…my pity only goes so far though. Thank you so much for your kind wishes – Nathalie

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Natascha but you’re giving me too much credit! I have done the same thing as you, I ended up in therapy 2 years ago because of this particular narcissist and yet…I let him back into my life, I obviously wasn’t strong enough…and it’s all happened again. Except, as I just said to Karin in reply to her comment, I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago, I’m not the person who knew next to nothing about NPD at the time. So I’m fine 😊
        But thanks so much for your concern and lovely words πŸ’œπŸ˜˜

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This was my life for two years. Horribly, soul-crushingly public as some here know. I rarely post about it anymore, people get bored with others’ problems plus it engenders a rash of stupidity from the Narc’s best weapon – Apaths. My fave is the married woman who had an online affair with my Narc. Her ugly little mind and nasty gossip just never go away… I maintain a ‘Causes’ section on my main blog where I have links to great resources for healing. One’s never the same though after being targeted by a Narc. It’s one of the only pathologies where the Target winds up in therapy (me = PTSD) and the Narc carries on – tra la – with their enablers (apaths) in tow. It’s the only pathology too, where they DO know right from wrong. NPDisordered choose and plan what they do (I still can’t believe the extent of the deceptions!). They are not to be pitied in any way.
    You did good!! Block and ignore (‘No Contact’) is absolutely the only way to deal with these individuals. No second chances, no self-doubt – they only see that as weakness. Stay strong – I know you will – how I wish NPD was part of all self-defence courses that we teach our children. It is the only evil that I never fathomed the depths of.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for this great comment Karin, I know you’ve been through this before. It is true that the narcissist changes you, I also ended up in therapy a couple of years back…while he walked away and got on with his life…although to listen to him, he was “crushed and the real victim”…of course! I had never encountered narcissism on such a scale before, I didn’t understand “it” then, so I fell to pieces, started doubting myself, not knowing what was real or not anymore, which is of course the devastating end result of being involved with a narcissist.
      What really angers me about narcissism is what you just pointed out: they DO know the difference between right and wrong, they know what they are doing and manipulate and twist and lie and project their faults onto you, chip away at your confidence bit by bit (like you, I cannot believe the extent of the deceptions) And the “flying monkeys”, don’t even get me started on them!
      I’ve only got myself to blame this time around though, I knew who he was, what he was like, enough time had passed that I fooled myself that he did care enough about me so things wouldn’t repeat themselves. I was wrong. I still think he cares (up to a point, as much as a narcissist is able to) about me but I committed the crucial mistake of thinking that his “nature” wasn’t stronger than all of that. My fault. My mistake. The good news is that it’s not 2 years ago and I know all about NPD now, I’m a much stronger person and there’s going to be no need for therapy this time around.
      Thank you so much again for your insightful comment, it really means a lot πŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t tell you how much it consoles me that a wonderful, smart, educated woman like yourself gets this. I’m really sorry that NPD touched your life but half the battle is to get people to understand. I’m no dummy but a determined liar can falsify army records, airline tickets, legal documents… The teeniest consolation is that Narcs go after what they perceive as the best and brightest… Maybe I’ll play dumb from now on! Big hugs to you Lady, I feel like I’m in the best of company ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, Narcs do go for gold, don’t they? They have to have the best in every way. To be perfectly honest, unless you’ve experienced the whole narcissism thing for yourself, I guess it would be quite easy to say: “how could you not see it happening? How could you not know?” I think far more educated and smart women fall prey to narcissists than people would imagine. But anyway…you couldn’t play dumb even if you tried Karin, you need a backup plan πŸ˜‰
        Hugs to you too, *I* am in the best of company πŸ˜‰ πŸ’œ

        Like

    1. Thank you Antony, I feel like you’ve got my back all the way from Canada πŸ˜‰
      I’m ok, I’m an empath, those sort of things come with the territory…it’s a silly habit to want to help and fix people isn’t it? Comes from having unloving, cold parents, it makes you want to help everyone out there. Oh well, we are who we are. *end of rambling comment* lol
      Hugs my lovely ❀️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t imagine why anyone would have issues with you, Nathalie, unless they were insane in the membrane/crazy in the brain. You were patient and that was generous of you to give the other person some room to meet you half way. Anyone trying to edit you has some serious business of their own to mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, I can understand that people might have issues with me, I’m not perfect (lol) but in this particular case I genuinely went above and beyond the call of duty…to help and support that person…I invested so much time and energy over the years…to have it thrown back in my face in such a violent way…it’s quite shocking actually, and hard to understand. Anyway…thank you for your lovely kind words πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I read something recently – can’t remember where – that we don’t lose ourselves all at once. We lose ourselves one ‘no’ at a time.
    Getting away from any person who contributes to us losing ourselves is emotionally challenging and I salute you for making that break.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That sounds about right…and thank you, but I made that break before and didn’t stay the course. It’s so hard cutting people out when you’re an empath and INFJ…but I shall stay strong. Thanks again πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah you did the right thing eventually and that is what will matter a few months later. It reminds me of one of your stalkers that you talked about. You had shown remarkable character then, and you are equally (if not more) remarkable now. Even Gandhi would have become a fan of yours by now to see your non-violent strength.;)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Why the hell shouldn’t you post it on your blog? It is YOURS after all. Scary thing narcissists. I am just becoming all too aware of such behaviour and I am realising just how easy it is to be taken in. It sounds like you are in a much better place than you had been and I applaud your strength. Hugs to you Nathalie..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support Siren, it means so much to me. I’m fine though, I will never understand the world, or why and how people can display such levels of nastiness but…I’m fine. Thanks again, hugs to you too πŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

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