Slight panic & a little writing

~ Purpleanais

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Why so serious? If I look like a deer caught in the headlights, that’s because it’s exactly what I feel like. Another year, another birthday. On the surface, I’m totally cool about it, but underneath this placid exterior, there is a voice full of terror (and horror) roused from its torpor by the inevitability of the passage of time. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a freak like that… but I’ve been feeling the pull of time since I turned nineteen and I suddenly realised that there was so much to do — and that a lifetime would never ever be enough to do, and feel it all.
Today is when I allow myself to freak out a little, tonight I will slap some sense into my dramatic silly self, and by tomorrow I will be ready to face the day, my birthday. With a smile and (kinda) peaceful mind. And because I’d hate to have grabbed the attention of all of you good people for nothing more than some slight (yeah, right) pre-birthday panic, here’s a little writing from last night 🙂

Everywhere you can find some kind of malaise, but the truth is, for most of us happiness is within reach, yet our minds have grown selfish and cannot grasp that fact. Is it any wonder navel gazing is the disease of this century? Miserable and morose by choice if we don’t have it all…won’t you wake up and smell the coffee…and stop and smell the roses, you screwballs?
No, heaven forbid we should ever be reasonable, we like to foist negative thoughts on ourselves, and everyone else, we refuse to face life with anything resembling grace. Far from perfect? It’s a frown and a scowl, the frivolous needs of people have them caught in a spiral…or is it a circle? In any case, we’re talking hollow rather than hallowed. A hell of a lot of shitty things happen, and there is evil in this world, on a grand scale as well as everyday mundane, but there’s also beauty and kindness in so many different places….it really is up to us…and now I’m going to shut up because I’m starting to sound like…I don’t know, some kind of preacher…and I don’t want to be one of them, I’d much rather be…an oracle…divination comes easy to us INFJs after all…is that the sound of my ego? I might just climb down from that pedestal and pledge to stop writing under the influence of alcohol…or not. Over and out…and everyone’s relief is palpable.

100 thoughts on “Slight panic & a little writing”

      2. Yeah, gosh it was harsh. I actually tweeted about the whole “killing people in their sleep” bit because that was a difficult one. Rick and the others have never done anything like that before, they’re fighters but not killers…if you know what I mean

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      3. I agree about the killing. I’m not sure if they’ve crossed the line, but I do think that when Jesus told Rick about the 16 year old being beaten to death, Rick had decided that Negan’s group were less than human.

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      4. Yes, and obviously Rick knew of Negan’s group anyway because of Daryl and co encountering them…but still, there is a massive difference between fighting & killing someone evil and just murdering them while they’re sleeping. I thought it was a line definitely crossed. And now for next week, how will the gang get out of this one?

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      5. I do agree with you, I was just trying to climb inside Rick’s head for his justification. Maybe they thought that they were about against a larger fighting force and had to resort to any means necessary? Yeah, it did cross the line. I’m worried about Maggie. I don’t think, in terms of story, that they will have another baby born to the group.

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      6. Yes, I’m with you on how it’s “justifiable”, but I do know I wouldn’t have gone with the group to do it, I’d kill anyone threatening me in a second in their situation but only if that person is standing and awake, there’s no way I’d be able to murder sleeping people, no matter how evil they are. Lol, I’m taking this whole scenario very seriously 😉
        Well, the minute Maggie stayed behind I knew something would happen, even though she had Carol with her. I have no idea whether that baby will be successfully delivered but the odds aren’t good :-/

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      8. Well, there’s bound to be a traitor somewhere, right? It’s only human nature after all. It took me ages to trust Jesus…and even now I’m not 100% sure about him…

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      9. I feel the same way. It’s going to take a while to figure out this new group, and who to trust. I assume that the season finale won’t do more than raise more questions and leave us hanging until the fall. 😦

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      10. Oh gosh yes! That’s what they do everytime, they throw this crazy cliffhanger…we mouth “WTAF” and then shake our heads in despair that we have to wait MONTHS to see what happens next. I swear they enjoy torturing us like that 😜

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  6. Get a grip, and don’t stop writing while under the influence that’s when you write some true ass shit that might otherwise be censored. Hope you wake up tomorrow and have a phenomenal birthday! 🍷🎂🍷Very flowery prose, I likey.

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    1. Haha, thanks a lot…for the admonition entirely deserved for my little pathetic drama… the great advice about mixing writing with alcohol, the kind words about my prose, and the well-wishes for tomorrow 😉

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  8. Happy day before your birthday! I find a morphine drip helps ease the worries of growing older. It’s addicting, but, boy is it fun. (I actually am making this up, but, it SEEMS like it would be fun, in an addicting, health-threatening way.) And I agree, Walking Dead was great. This story will go on into next season. The Negan story line in the comic goes on for quite awhile.

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      4. Gaaaahhh! But surely that gives you time to organise some highly sophisticated kidnapping that will remove him from Politics long enough that he can no longer be a threat? 😉
        *Note to anyone monitoring the world, this is a JOKE!*

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      5. Actually, the guy running a close second to him, Ted Cruz, is even worse than Trump. Cruz believes he was anointed by god to be President and help prepare America for the coming of the Anti-Christ and the apocalypse. Trump’s just a bigoted self-loving bag of methane whom I believe will not win the general election. Cruz is a dangerous theocrat who has an agenda to christianize America, and he could just win in November. Republicans are truly a sick batch of puppies.

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      6. I get that. Cruz doesn’t get the coverage or attention that Trump does because he’s not a “character” like trump, the ultimate narcissist.
        Let’s just hope that the people do the right thing when the time comes. We’re not there yet, let’s see how the republican nomination goes, so much depends on who it’s going to be.

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    1. Thank you! It will be Chablis tomorrow for me 🙂
      Yes, I have seen it, somehow I’m not at all surprised this should be your favourite TV show…you read a guy often enough, you start to know him 😉

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  14. Oh poor dear, I feel you so much. You know you are incredible, and talented, and amazingly beautiful as the others have stated, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to get annoyed at the hands of Time playing tricks on you. As far as I can tell, savoring those small moments of Joy enough (including those with your wine in hand) can be enough to fill up a *mostly* Happy Life. Wish I could celebrate with you tomorrow lovely lady! Xo

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    1. No, we don’t like it for too long, but people seem to be determined to keep us on it :-/
      But, thank you Dara! I shall raise a glass to my fellow INFJ tomorrow…or rather…today, it’s 2am, the day has come 😉

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  19. Sorry sweetheart, I seem to have missed your birthday. Hope you had a lovely day and that at some point one of us finds the fountain of youth. If you do, let me know, I’m gonna dive right in and then build a cottage on it’s shore.

    Warmest
    Adele
    x

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    1. Thank you Adele but you didn’t miss it! It’s today, lol, officially started 2 hours ago so I’ve got all that fun ahead of me 😉
      Hence why I’m off to bed now, need to be (sort of) fresh on my big day lol
      Thank you again, and I promise I’ll let you know if I find that fountain 😉 xo

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  21. Happy birthday, writing with the aid of alcohol keeps the imagination supple and the avenues of whimsy are more inviting. If you stay 19 in your mind, you’re halfway there to denial hehe!

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  23. I know that panicky feeling. I’ve been fighting it for months about an upcoming milestone birthday.

    I really liked darkgemdom’s comment about going around the sun again – a good reminder that the alternative is less desirable. There’s soooo much left to do and experience and enjoy! I’ll remind myself of that the next time I feel the panic creeping in.

    Happy cake and ice cream day 🙂

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    1. I feel terrible as my birthday wasn’t even a milestone, just an ordinary “I’m getting older and it sucks” type of day 😉
      But you’re right of course, self-pity is no good and it’s important to remember how lucky and privileged I am in so many ways.
      Thank you for the birthday wishes, I had a great day, lots and lots of cake, I may have put on a couple of pounds lol

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  26. Oh, I am late.

    Belated happy Birthday, Nathalie -my friend, my favorite blogger, mon bon amie. (translation: my good friend; translation given considering how in the past the implied meaning of my french is so far off from the intended meaning)

    A party is due nathalie 🙂

    And to get on the point -you are already so beautiful and talent and kind and generous (one of the first bloggers who liked my poor blog, thank you for that, though i should have said it before).

    Also, it is the vastness of your imagination and a budding storm that is your writing under that, that makes you to strive for more and more, in spite of the fact that you are already doing so much, so good.

    Keep doing that. Humanity will only benefit more if you follow your heart 🙂

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    1. Thank you Nitin, from the bottom of my heart for such an amazing comment. All I can think of to say right now is: “I’m not worthy my friend”, I’ll have to come back to you for a more coherent reply 🙂

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  31. Mortality sucks, it’s true. But what else is there for us mortals? Please dom’t spend too much on pondering. Everything you do, including your worrying, is your raw material. Build on it.

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  33. Happy belated birthday Nathalie! I hope it was a fantastic one! The passage of time can grant us wisdom and grace to see things (and accept) our younger selves cannot. Your words never fail to give me food for thought. Smiles.

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      1. Oui je vais bien, Merci Nath, j’espére qu’il en est de même pour toi.
        Un temps pourri en vacances mais je suppose qu’en Angleterre ce n’est pas mal non plus ???
        Prends bien soin de toi.
        Ton ami Tony

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