Bleeding heart


My loyalty was a safeguard and a full stop, until barriers became imperceptibly eroded, and — consequently — lines drawn in the sand constantly shifted.
Now the rubicon has been crossed and all remnants of hope are irrevocably lost. My heart breaks but make no mistake, nobody could have fought more valiantly than me.

You are my soulmate and you are a stranger — we are closer than most could ever wish for, until a gulf opens up between us and we are, suddenly, miles apart. The pain every time this happens is too much to bear, I miss you immensely on those faraway days…but I finally have to accept that no matter how hard I try, I cannot fix us, because I cannot fix you. Fate has no part in this, it’s all down to you. And no matter how much I want to, there is nothing I can do.

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38 thoughts on “Bleeding heart

      1. In so much as I always want to do something and I would consider myself a bleeding heart, yes. It’s hard to be the one who wants and does, when you also have to just wait for someone else.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My problem is that I always give too much, I’m the original empath and it always gets me in trouble. I’m terribly loyal and give it my all and sometimes disappointment is inevitable — such is life.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Oh, exactly! That gets me in trouble too. Esp if I let other people’s emotions hijack my own. Something I’m still learning not to do.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I am selfish I just LOVE it when you are a roll Nathalie, because we get so much more and we’re greedy for it.
    Okay the reason this one is really fucking fantastic is you basically explain this really hard emotion SO WELL – that feeling of loving someone but really feeling on the other hand that you don’t know them. I think this is one of the hardest things to express and you did it justice here so well.
    I feel extremely glad that you are here more often, and I hope you will continue to write it out, because I for one learn from your insights and appreciate them very much.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, it’s also that feeling of being so close to someone, being real tight, and then without any warning they kind of pull away all at once and you’re left wondering if you imagined the whole thing? Except you know you didn’t because you’re this really analytic original sceptic and you KNOW you can trust your emotions and feelings and instinct at least 95% of the time. I think this is especially hard when it’s a repeated cycle of “close/not close/close again/not close again. It’s baffling and it’s exhausting and it’s painful.
      Thanks for your, as usual, insightful comment and for the sheer love and positivity. You know I think you’re awesome, although I’ll leave it at that since we agreed to stop the love fest 😉 haha Hugs 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One thing I can say – you don’t imagine things that don’t have a basis in reality as far as emotions go. Now if it’s hunky men with swords … maybe 😉 but what’s wrong with being a young red blooded female? 😉 It is hard when there is a repeated cycle, but as your friend and someone who wants to see you always triumph, I’d say the way was always to trust yourself because I believe sometimes people gain power over us by making us question our gut-instincts and unless we’re totally on crack I think our instincts are usually right-on. I’ve already got the t-shirt TEAM NATHALIE AND THE WOLVES so nothing more need be said, except, if you call, you can call on my house and I will stand with you warrior girl xo


  2. It is sad when sometimes the other person refuses, or just can’t see that change and happiness begins with them, it is always the person who gives the most and understands more intimately what you both have that suffers, it’s cruel. Big hugs at you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As Victory said, it’s such a hard one to learn because we NEVER learn. No matter how old or young. They say as we get older we make less mistakes in love, I don’t agree. I think of that book we talked about before, Sunlight On Cold Water, and then of course, Madam Bovary. I read those as a kid, but I think the message applies across the years as much to any age. It’s the notion of such agony in realizing and not wanting to realize. Some people have NEVER felt that. I pity them and I envy them because whilst I wish I had not, or that you had not, I also think great writing BREATHES in that space between love and pain. You evidence this so wonderfully when you write, you leave nothing unsaid but you’re not obvious either.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Abso-fucking/lutely! I think that great writing (not that I’m applying this to myself, just generally speaking) comes from all those grey areas, the spaces in between love and pain. You must have gone into the forest full of shadows, been bitten and bled some before coming out and feeling the sun on your face before you can start writing with real depth, IMO

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well it goes without saying you SHOULD apply it to yourself – beautiful one. I actually wrote a poem about YOU once I didn’t tell you but I did. Now THAT doesn’t happen unless you are as inspiring as you are. You couldn’t inspire without depth so I agree totally with everything especially the swear words 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Now you’ve got me intrigued! I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman write about me before, I’m ridiculously flattered…and intrigued! (I just said it twice coz I really am!)

        Liked by 1 person

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