Not now & not ever

~ Purpleanais

doll_parts

She had porcelain skin, eyes green and deep as sin, she was your favourite doll
until you got tired of her
and not content with putting her away on a shelf,
you had to go and find a dusty old attic
to shut her in
so her silent tears, in the dark
could not reach you, or anyone else.

Abandoned, she wilted slightly
but retained enough charm
to somehow seduce another
who fell for her beautiful heart – he was ready to love her.
For real, and for ever.
Colour returned to her cheeks, hope trembled in her eyes, could happiness really be in reach this time?

You heard…a rumour? Was it the sound of her happy, steady heartbeat?
Did it really mean…?
Yes, the suffering you had caused was forgotten, you knew you were history…no, you just couldn’t let it be.
The shiny new toy you had discarded her for,
the exciting new plaything you had been so enamoured of
was instantly forgotten,
and you were suddenly gripped by this all consuming fury.

You returned to the attic, tried to take her back, claiming ownership.
“No — they both said in unison — please!”
You wouldn’t listen, tugged and pulled her limbs, willing to hurt, destroy if need be.
An arm came off,
a leg,
she shuddered and fell.
She was broken, beyond repair.

He howled with pain while you shrugged, as if it had all been a game.

A game.
Nobody had won,
except you really had
because from this moment on,
nobody else could have her.
Not now.
And not ever.

Image credit: tiryth.deviantart.com

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43 thoughts on “Not now & not ever”

      1. Well, considering how someone would feel talking to the person who made them unsuitable for anyone else, I think it’s apropos.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nice! I’m glad 🙂
        I’m guessing you’re taking full advantage of the school holidays 😉
        I’m okay, thanks, I’ve had a difficult few months but things are settling a bit now 🙂
        Have a lovely weekend 😘💜

        Liked by 1 person

  10. There are a hundred different metaphors and messages in this one. i could just as easily see this as a relationship that has been tempted by another, and you destroy them as if they were just a doll – his plaything – and he realizes they had no substance and what he wrought on you. I could equally see it more literally, the idea of putting away our play things because in time they crumble and leave us anyway and I could see it as a metaphor for womanhood, the idea of us being a doll in the eyes of the world, how we disassemble and reassemble ourselves, how we remake ourselves in the image of something else and have to tear it apart to find ourselves again. I can also see this as the idea of love, the doll being love, the doll being desire, the doll being broken and rebuilt. There’s so many avenues with this – it’s almost neverending. On each read I glean something else. That’s the sign of a good writer – a maze of thoughts. If you forget what you read moments after reading it then that person doesn’t afix their writing into your soul. If you lie awake at night and it comes into your head, then you know their glue is strong.
    Nathalie your glue is strong.

    Like

    Reply

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