Denial

Fading
Baby, please come home now.

The coffee machine is on the blink, there are dirty dishes in the sink… the ashtrays are all full…even the cat looks pitiful – I left the dishcloth in the wrong place, hoping your OCD would call you back to base. So far it hasn’t worked, I guess things – I – are not enough of a mess. Yet.

But, baby, I am wasting hours sitting in front of the TV, not sleeping, shallow breathing,
wondering where you are
who you’re spending time with
if you’re lying in their arms
if they know the taste of your lips

You shouldn’t leave me in that state.
You shouldn’t leave me with those thoughts, driving me up the wall.

The sun forces its way through the closed curtains, particles of dust float in the air. In here, now, it’s just dark and despair, before it was you and I — heathens, claiming our little bit of heaven.

Baby, you’re not coming home, are you?

But this, I can’t let myself believe,
because otherwise I’ll scream. I’ll cry. I’ll stumble. I’ll fall. Way too deep. The nightmare will be complete.

I am so tired.
I am exhausted.
Denial is really taking it out of me –
still, none of this is real
until you tell me it is.

Image credit: hello-deviantart-com-_by_phoenixleo-d4e7y6i

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40 thoughts on “Denial

      1. I shall certainly hope not! I’d be heartbroken! Mind you…I could then write a very emotional post, you’d become inspiration for me 😉
        #Joking my friend, of course. Take care and thank you for the lovely words 💜

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kelly! Drawing on past experiences here, you know me…my writing is mainly about emotion…hence why I relate so much to yours, and vice-versa.
      Your comment is everything I like to hear, thank you so much! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m okay, this is me drawing on past experiences and maybe sending a somewhat veiled message out there.
      However, I can always do with a man’s strong arms around me 😉
      Thank you, Sir. Feeling safe and protected right now, it’s a lovely feeling 🙂 💜

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I have a feeling you and I have some shared background. I hope you don’t mind me asking but, have you done the personality type test? If yes, would you be INFJ or a similar type? I’m sorry for being curious, it’s just that reading through your posts, I’ve been getting certain vibes… 🙂

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      1. Whoa! Yes, I AM an INFJ. As I understand, there are not too many of us in the world so if we’re in the same personality boat, it’s a small one! Well … how exciting to know I’m not the only INFJ in the World of Blog! LOL 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Omg you actually are! I had a feeling, I’ve read too many of your posts not to recognise the signs 😉
        Yes, we are really rare, I only know one other INFJ in “real” life and there are a couple I’ve met here on WordPress but…it’s difficult finding them, hence why I belong to an INFJ group on Facebook because there are times when only *they* can understand the struggle 🙂
        I actually wrote a post about us last year, at a time when I was thoroughly fed up with everything our personality type entails, lol
        https://arwenaragornstar.com/2015/12/30/infj/

        Liked by 1 person

  1. That whole stanza that starts: “Baby, I am wasting hours,” is like gut wrenching. I mean, this whole poem is. It’s amazingly written to bring us into her mindstate. That heartache that makes you want to pretend everything will be okay even though it won’t. So well done, Nathalie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A harrowing read. Once again you’ve beckoned us in and dragged us through broken glass. A stirring, deeply emotional piece about denial and heartache. Brilliant work as usual! Now I must go and cheer up haha

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Have always loved the English expression ‘on the blink’
    that aside
    love the word ‘harrowing’ as used above, and this is truly.
    my favorite type is harrowing to me it means both emotionally wrecking and honest and deep and fathomless and aching. All that and more laced in your potent words.
    How you pull out such deeps I do not know, but you have a pipeline to truth my girl – for so many write superficially I don’t think you would know how to if you tried.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ya, English not being my first language, I take particular delight in certain expressions, “on the blink” I have always loved, I couldn’t tell you why exactly.
      As for the rest, thanks a bunch 😉 sister, you always make me feel like I could climb bridges and jump off them (and as I just said in earlier comment on your post, I’m fucking terrified of heights!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Funny how even though English is not your first language you write better than most whose first language IS English. My first language was also French but then I didn’t spend as much time in France as you before moving away, and I don’t really know where I relate anymore, since I moved again and again. I do believe your ability to be bilingual helps you master language though as that is often true of good writers, and like you I take such delight in particular expressions. You can jump off because you would fly.

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