You, fumbling in the backseat… as if we were 16… I played along, faked a lack of expertise but now,
I’m all out of magnanimity, I’m not even sure it was funny
to start with.
It takes a special type of man to turn me submissive.
There are some who can bring me to my knees, with a look and the tantalising sound of a zip,
their fingers twisting, pulling my hair, gripping my neck…at times, I like nothing better, I don’t even mind the resulting bruises.

Those men ain’t you.

So why don’t you brush up on your technique & personality,
forget the
1,2,3 and switch
lifted from
unimaginative porn movies
lose the guitar, the pretending you’re a rock star, with the same 4 notes played over and over again, trash the copy of “On The Road”,
quoting Kerouac – without heart – will only take you so far; even the whiskey bottle, it’s all staged, all for show,
and by the way, I don’t at all rate Jared Leto.

Look at you strutting your stuff, thinking you’re a fallen angel, an experimental artist, I guess the fact you’re a dental hygienist is purely accidental,
a mere step on your road to greatness.

I was bored babe, in a state, that’s the only reason you caught me in your tatty net when you went on your “catching a rare butterfly” quest.
When it comes to fantasies & lovers,
you’re down on your luck and I don’t give a fuck
let’s be real,
I’ve actually got more balls
than you.

Image Credit: down-a-rabbit-hole.deviantart.com

55 thoughts on “Fake

  1. Lucky I don’t have stitches. If I did. I’d have burst them laughing in a MOST undignified way! I think this is marvelous! I have written similar ‘treaties’ about the humor of a man who thinks he’s a LOVER and turns out he’s one step removed from the 16 year old … oh good grief this was good! Reminds me of a modern update of Cheri and the Last of Cheri, remember that?
    POWER to you!
    As a side-note, isn’t it interesting how many times as women, we step aside and ‘let’ things occur because we’re bored or can’t be bothered to say no, and they occur and it’s as if we don’t inhabit the moment but watch from rafters, humoring the intensity of their fumbling. I can remember just such an instance, I think I was very cruel and it is so true what you say about it takes a lot to make you submit, I know you mean that more than the usual 50 Shades of Lame and it’s very accurate, you really nailed this. Brilliant in humor, truth and verve.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. How could I not remember the Last of Cheri? I grew up with that stuff, I have such affection for it!
      I’m so glad you saw the humour in this too, I’ve got such a sarcastic streak I always think people must miss it when I’m being genuinely funny, at least in writing coz in “real life” it’s much easier to tell.
      As for your aside, YES! I’ve had that, that time when you’re regretting getting into the moment but it’s all too far gone to backtrack and you’re just watching it all from a great height, like an out of body experience type of thing. Gosh, shuddering just remembering about one such instance.
      And yeah, I wasn’t talking about the 50 Shades of fucking Lame, I won’t get started on that because those books are so awful in TOO MANY ways!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I laughed because I read an article said so many people bought that damn book and gave it to charity shops one shop made furniture out of used copies of 50 shades. THAT is classic.


    1. Oh, you’re a Jared Leto fan! I was waiting for that, when I wrote it I was thinking that one or two of them were going to come after me ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚
      He just doesn’t do it for me at all but…different strokes and all that ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Thank you, so glad you liked ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, you are always so kind with your comments. I hate repeating myself and I seem to be doing that a lot today but this wasn’t gratuitously mean, somebody needs to have crossed a line for me to write like that about them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, I think someone is gonna need some cream for that burn! If that doesn’t shatter an ego then I don’t know what will! Beautifully scathing with your usual sexy self-confidence. Loved it! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Adam, I’m glad you liked! But I’m going to tell you what I’m telling everyone else today: I wouldn’t write about someone in such a mordant way if they didn’t thoroughly deserve it ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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