Modern Fairy Tale

 

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Cinderella was in the scullery, cleaning up the mess her two bitch stepsisters had left after a late night supper, when her Fairy Godmother came in and said: “the time has come for your life to change, my child. You shall have a beautiful gown and go to the ball tonight. Prince Charming will pledge his love for you and you will have a wedding befitting a princess.”

Cinderella replied: “I wouldn’t mind going to the ball, I haven’t been out of this house for years. And how I’d love a beautiful gown!
I do not want Prince Charming’s love though, I heard he cannot string a sentence together and has never read a book in his life.

If you want to help me, can you please put me through Law School instead? I’ve been reading up on it, and although Human Rights Law is appealing to me for obvious reasons, I’m more interested in Criminal Law – wouldn’t it be fantastic if I ended up nailing my stepmother for stealing my inheritance the way she did?

Father has been rendered blind by her ginormous fake boobs and can’t see past them – he’s let her get away with murder because she knows a few tricks in the bedroom. My father is a deeply flawed human being who’s being led by his dick – so I’ve been reduced to being a maid to a selfish whore and her vile daughters – in my own home!
You’re right Fairy Godmother, it’s time for my life to change – but if you’re going to use your magic wand to help me, do it so I can help myself. Law school is the way to go, not Prince Charming.”

Fairy Godmother was left bemused by this speech – she suddenly felt out of touch with the world – but she’d always had a soft spot for Cinderella whom she found such an unusual child.

“Young girls these days! You and your modern ways….. I must confess I don’t understand it, are you sure about Prince Charming? He’s very handsome you know, and all the girls want him…..”

“Handsome isn’t enough Godmother! I need a man who can stimulate my brain, someone who can challenge me. Handsome is alright for a quick roll between the  sheets, but…. that’s it! In any case, it’s not a man I need right now – but the means to escape this house and have the life I need and deserve. And that means Law School. Please Fairy Godmother?”

Fairy Godmother could not resist this plea. After all, her wish was to help Cinderella and no, this was not the way things were supposed to go (she had been so sure marriage to Prince Charming was what any girl wanted) but only a fool would refuse to adapt to circumstances.

So it was that Cinderella went to Law School, graduated with honours and joined a promising Law Firm. She specialised in criminal Law and soon became a kick-ass Lawyer with a stellar career – the highlight of which came when she opened for the prosecution after her stepmother was busted for some shady property deals.
The whore stepmother went down for 5 years, and that day was a sweet one for Cinderella.

One of her stepsisters ended up marrying Prince Charming and gave him 3 kids – though at least two of them bore a striking resemblance to the candlestick-maker. Not that Prince Charming noticed – he really was that dim – plus he was too busy spreading his seed all over the kingdom anyway.

The other stepsister started turning tricks in the woods outside the castle after her mother’s jail sentence; not surprisingly, her married-to-a-Prince bitch sister turned her back on her.

Cinderella’s father found another wife with (fake) pneumatic breasts and suffered a coronary one night while his face was buried in them. He died with his head stuck in between two large silicone bags – it’s fair to say Cinderella didn’t mourn him much.

Cinderella had a 6-year relationship that ultimately didn’t work out. She’s currently dating someone though. She’s happy.

The Fairy Godmother has caught up with modern ways. She sips at her glass of Chablis and marvels at Cinderella’s wisdom – and at the fact this smart girl taught an actual Fairy Godmother ffs, a valuable lesson: it takes a hell of a lot more than a magic wand to change someone’s life for the better.

*Repost from June 2015. One of my friends was perusing my blog this morning since his boss is out of the office today (when the cat’s away and all that) and he texted me to enthuse over this particular post. I hadn’t read it in ages but while doing so, I realised that I really like this little tale…so here it is again 🙂 *

Image: my own

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52 thoughts on “Modern Fairy Tale

  1. I was just rolling on the floor laughing with this one. I do think Cinderella needs a little hot action though and I hope there is a well equipped play room in her castle

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      1. We think alike. I just cannot be attracted to brainless people, I just can’t. I need brains, I need humour, I need personality, I need kindness, all of that trumps vapid looks any day. I swear I could meet the most gorgeous man ever and if he has nothing to say, I’d be like, er, no thanks. For real.

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      2. I agree! So much! I have no type as far as physically but I know what I need mentally. Someone smart and thoughtful and kind. With interests and the ability to have engaging dialogue. Without that, it doesn’t matter at all how supposedly gorgeous he is.

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      1. Aww…that’s great! I’m glad you liked it. Yes, definitely just a prince who wants to run off with Cindy and forget all this prince stuff! Have a great afternoon,Nathalie! 💜

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  2. I think I read the original but I can’t be sure which is annoying but either way I love this. Oh you clever one. The picture is really great, I mean hello 16? Makes me want to rush out and get a pink bra and heels. Yeah I think every well heeled girl must have for those days when only a pink bra and heels will suffice to get us out of bed. You’re the modern day Nin but you know that. You are the modern day Baudelaire but you know that. You are the modern day Dylan Thomas and the modern day Bukowski because you know how to make sordid beautiful and beautiful sordid. Such is your art. BTW did you ever watch HANNIBAL I am re-watching it and totally addicted. Fucking poetry.

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    1. Ha! That pic is from last year and my (not so sweet) 16 was already far behind me but it was the modern Cinderella vibe I was after because I sometimes feel a little like that girl, you know?
      Haha You could make me big-headed you know if I didn’t read constantly and thus aware of my own limitations BUT I love you for those words anyway.
      No, never watched Hannibal, always meant to and never did. Now I have to!

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      1. You are fortunate because you have a very small frame (bones) so you look like a child in some ways, this doesn’t work so well when you’re built like a brick shit house (let’s be honest here) hence the advantage of French bones (they may be thin but they last) I do think minis were invented for us, didn’t Coco make em? I think so … anyway never stop wearing them never stop being you never apologize never stop swearing as it makes me spit my coffee at the screen and laugh and never stop questioning the shit in this world, good grief there are enough nodding morons already … Hannibal is TERRIFIC okay I’m totally biased as I ADORE Gillian Anderson but actually the best characters are the two male leads who are hunky as all get out and could seriously turn a lesbian straight as a die and they’re terrific actors. WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT! Yeah I know what you mean I feel like a little girl a lot, it seems embarassing as sometimes we’re all WE ARE WOMAN HEAR US ROAR and other times we’re like can we talk in a baby voice and play with our ponies? But what’s really wrong with that? It’s part of the mercury of life. It’s what keeps you young and makes you wise. Makes sense to me. Fuck people who judge. I’m going to take a My Little Pony with me to work.

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      2. Yeah, Coco made them, they were invented by us. I’m going to watch Hannibal, as soon as I have a window I’m starting it and it’d better be as good as you say it is 😉
        We, women, can be as pink and girly as we like at times as long as we engage our brains and don’t take any shit from anyone.

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  3. Oh this is great fun! I was grinning from the very first line, I love that your sense of humour has leaked into every sentence 🙂 Good old Cinderella, taking the initiative and teaching the Fairy Godmother a bit about modern women! Glad she knocked her step-mother and sisters down a peg or ten. As for her father, well, at least he died with a smile on his face! 😉 Another wonderful offering of fiction, and yet ANOTHER hot pic! We on WP are not worthy!

    Liked by 1 person

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