True North

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Where have you been? I waited so long

I am startled out of the usual post-coital daze by your words — it takes me a few seconds to find my way out of the maze consisting of half-formed thoughts and bright fireworks.

What is this? A throwaway comment prompted by satisfied lust?

Not at all your style, but this gal’s got to make sure, she’s still learning to trust — no longer the hermit in a hut, but…

I bend over your face, my hair falls around your head—it ripples as fields filled with rows of corn ahead of the approaching storm.

Your hands on my waist, my nipples yet erect press against your chest,
my alabaster skin glistening, the blood of the Vikings in my veins flowing, it seems I bow down to my king of an evening.

Straddling a man and looking into his eyes—afterwards—while he’s still inside you, can be the perfect time to extract truth like juice from an overripe fruit.

So, my eyes plunge into yours, looking, searching…

They are cloudy with the residues of the explosion which, moments before, rocked your body but—yes—swimming underneath, I detect naked vulnerability.

Your words are realyou are real.

Where have I been? What took me so long?

I was busy
wasting time
being blind
fucking up
with boys, not men
one of them
worthless and insane
Thinking I was helping
cracked brains
to fix their pain
Deluding myself
really doing my best
to self-destruct
Getting it out of my system
in any case
Until such time
as I would be ready
for you
to fill every opening
every part of me
body and soul

If you make it through the thorns, the odds are the path will eventually lead to gold.

Darling, where I have been does not matter anymore, because I may have finally found my true north.

*The first huge piece of writing I created for my Master’s came back from my tutor today with great feedback and a mark which is in the Merit band. I could have cried with relief; I realised today when I was handed my work back that I’d been really quite worried about being judged on my ability to write-as a writer-rather than a journalist. I treated myself to a glass of wine to celebrate and it gave me the confidence to publish this post which I wrote 3 days ago — I’d been nervous about publishing anything new on here until I got feedback on the work I did on the Master’s — ridiculous, I know, but hey, it was a bad attack of writer’s doubt. Still, life is just grand right now 💜 *

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99 thoughts on “True North

    1. LOL Jay, I did do yoga for a while, it’s great for the limbs 😉 but I’d much rather walk and hike in beautiful and inspiring surroundings 🙂
      Thank you for your visit (and the laugh) you lovely poet. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh, honey, I’m so happy for you!! Both for the good marks and for the happiness of getting through the thorns to find the gold. This is a beautiful piece!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you! What a lovely thing to say. I do go from “this is not bad” to “actually, it’s rubbish” on a regular basis with my writing but I think it’s pretty much the norm for writers to feel like that 🙂
      As for the cold shower…in this weather? Whoa, I guess I did a good job here then 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha thanks, Rob. I had my DNA tested a couple of years back and it turns out I have Viking DNA and only 2% of the population in Europe have some so I’ve been going on about it ever since 😂
      As for that long ago summer… you should write about it 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Nathalie! you did a great job at writing this incredible poem and prose. I love it and it sounds so beautiful. 🙂

    Say, you unblocked me. What happen? I wrote to you yesterday on email. Did you read it? Did I do something wrong? I was curious why you disappeared from my friends list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Charlie!
      My blog was private for 10 days or so which means nobody at all could access it (unless they asked for access) it wasn’t just you. Of course you haven’t done anything, as if!
      I was going to email you actually because I sent you the last part of that collaboration ages ago and I haven’t heard from you. And no, I never did get your email yesterday. I don’t know why but your emails don’t get delivered to me as they should 😳

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh…okay cool. yay!!! I am happy that you are talking to me. 🙂 I was worried but not anymore. Yes, I did receive your email the last time. Sorry, I was on a hiatus for 2 weeks, and now I am back to blogging and posting again. I posted 2 new poems. Feel free to have a read. 🙂

        Also, did you want me to edit our collaboration? or do you?

        P.S Hope to hear from you soon.

        And thank you again for always being a great friend and I’m happy and grateful of our friendship. 🙂

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      2. Charlie, don’t ever be worried about that! I would never not talk to you. If you’d done something to upset me, I would talk to you about it until we’d sorted it out 😉
        Don’t apologise for taking a break, it’s perfectly fine 🙂
        I will check your latest a bit later.
        I trust you to edit it, just send me the finished version once you’ve done it so I can look at it? Is that okay?
        Thank *you* for being an awesome friend 😎

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Such beautiful, powerful words as always 🙂 Evocative and not at all shy, and that’s what we’ve come to love about your work! Viking blood, eh? That explains a lot! 😀
    Congratulations on your Merit; we all knew you’re a great writer, but it doesn’t hurt to have some official confirmation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Charlie, I replied to your emails but I think our mail servers don’t like each other lol
      In any case, we are in agreement when it comes to the final version so you can post it whenever you want because I’ll probably reblog your post anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Charlie, just drop me a line when you’ve posted it because you said 3am your time but I’m not sure of the time difference with LA, it’s like 8 hours I think…but just drop me a line so I know it’s posted. Then I’ll reblog it. You know, I’m really quite pleased with how it turned out 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. My wasp-waisted sister, you give the ballet dancers of fantasy a run for their money … and so the merit is far reaching … this worked SO WELL and in my humble estimate is one of your very best works (not saying the rest isn’t good – far from it – but this stands out it really does and sans the photo even) . It’s the way it begins one way and ends another, with a chant of power basically THESE WORDS; I was busy
    wasting time
    being blind
    fucking up
    with boys, not men
    one of them
    worthless and insane
    Thinking I was helping
    cracked brains
    to fix their pain
    Deluding myself
    really doing my best
    to self-destruct
    FAir to say I relate to 110 fucking percent of this and I feel it’s an anthem of women world wide and if we did but read this THEN maybe we’d learn so much more than we thought we knew THEN so your understanding of that speaks to every generation of every woman who has ever lived. Fucking powerful girl – I absolutely LOVE this one you rocked it out the park and needless to say you’re beautiful on every level WELL DONE

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Candice, my sister in everything but blood, I have just come from your blog where I was hit repeatedly by your sheer BRILLIANCE and the depth of your heart and emotions.
      Thank you so much for you being you and for this comment of course which is like food from heaven.
      I was quite pleased with how this one turned out even though it was written quickly and it has just reinforced my views that creative nonfiction is where my strength lies because my best pieces are always, always nonfiction.
      I’m glad you could relate, though “glad” is probably not the best word but you know what I mean…I mean I’m glad I put across what I wanted to well enough so you could FEEL it.
      Thank you so much for, once again, bringing some light into my little world. I’ve been thinking about you this week, loads, you know why.
      Hugs, my sister xoxoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Seriously N, this was brilliant and I know when I say that it sounds like I’m saying the others aren’t brilliant, but that’s not what I mean, it’s just that it really is a power here and I think sometimes the less careful quicker written stuff works – I get that too sometimes – either way it’s just really, really powerful I loved it because so many can relate and have been there in one form or another (men too) and it’s that acknowledgment almost to a younger self WTF where you thinking? How could you be so blind? But all of us are, it’s this weird sickness of innocence wanting to believe I suppose. You paint a portrait of love and emotion that is so real – that’s the genius here and yeah it is actually genius.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know exactly what you mean, I know you’re not saying the others are shit, I totally get that some pieces are better than others, it’s only right that should happen.
        And I *do* know that this piece stands out, not because of word skills but because the emotions behind it are conveyed well I think and you know how I feel about writing and how important it is for me that it should make you think and hit you in the gut and make you lose your breath…and stuff haha (hence why you’re a brilliant writer: skills + emotions = amazing)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Maybe sometimes when we are self conscious about the quality of writing we edit ourselves to death and we’re therefore less authentic. I don’t know the measure between inspiration and quality but I think it probably lies between the extremes. Something heartfelt cannot be over analyzed it just speaks but obviously off the cuff stuff can be SHITE so it’s that middle ground. I compare it to magic or emotion, that moment where everything just falls into place. I can’t control it, if I could I’d write more and everything I wrote bar none would be superb, but nobody lives in that place 24/7. Inspiration is an illusive beast. It’s like good sex, not every time but enough to keep you coming back 😉

        Like

      4. I must confess there are times less so nowadays but in the past especially when I would torture myself with the dreaded ‘what if’ scenario of ‘what if I didn’t fall for that shit and I knew what I know now’ I wonder what kinds of things could have been avoided? Then again I’m a big believer that we go through shit and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, doesn’t mean we bloody want to experience it though but maybe it does make for a more powerful presence. Maybe that’s why I am drawn usually to older spirited people (not necessarily in age but spirit) as they seem to hold more truths because of their experiences.

        Like

  5. Congratulations Nathalie, on the great feedback! No doubt a relief and a confidence boost. In reading this wonderful piece of writing, it seems as you are well on your way to the other side, thorns and all. The following is terrific!

    “I was busy
    wasting time
    being blind
    fucking up
    with boys, not men…”

    If you can compound a remedy for this in a pill form, you could literally make a fortune. Enjoy the gold! Wishing you continued success with your Master’s. Have a lovely evening, take care. ~ Mia

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well done. (Finally cleaned my inbox, saving the best for last. Dessert always comes at the end) So well done, “Anaïs”.
    Now let’s reverse the perspective: shouldn’t “you” (or the narrator rather) be his North than the other way round?
    😉
    Bon week-end.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Chipote? Chipote? Ça fait très longtemps que je n’avais pas “entendu” ce mot. 🙂
        Je me suis posé la question. Je suis retourné à mon commentaire… 🙂 Juste un commentaire. Parfois (souvent) j’aime bien “retourner” les perspectives, surtout dans l’écrit. Ça marche parfaitement comme çà.
        Bonne semaine.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha c’est un mot utilisé très souvent en Bourgogne 😉
        C’est une très bonne habitude de “retourner” les perspectives, d’analyser sous tous les angles. Je fais ça souvent aussi 😉
        Bonne semaine 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh ben, le vin de Bourgogne est le meilleur, il n’y a aucun doute 😉
        Moi quand on me dit Bordeaux, je dis oui, je souris, mais je réponds toujours…”ah, mais la côte des grands crus alors!” (J’ai grandi juste à côté…donc j’ai une ferveur quasi religieuse 😜)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ah, sud-ouest donc. il ya de très grands Bordeaux. Graves, Médoc. J’ai un petit Lalande de Pommerolles en réserve… 🙂 Mais les vins de Bourgogne sont plus difficiles, donc meilleurs. 🙂 Mais la ferveur pour un vin se doit d’être religieuse. Mes compliments. (Et bonne semaine) Bz

        Like

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