Merry Christmas

~ Purpleanais

christmas_by_soulkissfaerie

I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and to say, even though I’ve said it before, that I very much value all of you here on WordPress.

This year has been up and down for me and there has been occasions when I couldn’t find the time or strength to even log in, let alone interact with any of you.

Every time I’d been absent and I came back, it would hit me that I’d missed this place and that it has become a significant part of my life.

This fact was brought home forcibly when I found out a little while ago that I was about to lose someone in our community. This is new territory for me, I’ve never had to deal with such a situation-online-before.

The depth of my upset would be incomprehensible to most people: people who are not part of any online communities and people without imagination.

Fortunately, I have wonderful friends in my “real life” who understand my mind and heart and they have been very supportive. They haven’t been told any details because there is such a thing as privacy, but they got the gist of it and understand why it has affected me so.

When you regularly read someone for a long time, and their words touch you, move you, you develop a connection and an understanding…and never mind the fact you’ve never met them.

I remember telling someone in a coffee shop a year and a half ago about this blogger who wrote with an incredible depth of feeling that usually came from a great deal of suffering. The person I was talking to rolled their eyes. Whatever. There was no point pursuing the conversation since they obviously didn’t/wouldn’t understand.

One of us is now fighting very bravely and with immense dignity and it breaks my heart to know this is happening…and yet, I am also incredibly grateful that I got the chance to known him, I’m thankful that I can bring him a little light now when he has given me so much himself in the past.

When two hearts connect, it is the most special thing and it is rare enough whether online or in “real life” that it should be treasured.

I have been given a lesson in humility: I have witnessed bravery and dignity that I know I could never be capable of. Although I shall now try harder than ever to face whatever life throws at me with grace and kindness—I shall be spurred on by his example.

I am talking about someone who is struggling for breath and yet worrying about me, worrying that he’s putting too much of a burden on me. I don’t even have the words to describe the generosity of his heart.

Whatever I have been through in my life—and regular readers will have a general idea because I’ve written about some of it—well, I’ve always been aware that other people have had it worse, far worse than me. Sure, I write about my tribulations because it helps, because it’s about exorcising the demons, but I’ve never walked around thinking I’d been particularly hard done by and that I was a unique case.

I don’t believe anybody has a monopoly on pain, and I have always refused to see myself as a victim—because that is no way to live your life—and, because I’ve also had an extraordinary amount of luck in my life as well. Black, white and many shades of grey, most of us wade through all of those at one point or another.

All that said, it is a fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and keep happening to them…but to find someone who’s been repeatedly hit by the storms and yet has managed to find a path unencumbered by bitterness and hate…someone who’s managed to find joy still wherever he could…someone who behaves to the end with grace, generosity and dignity…well, it is the most humbling experience. I am tearing up as I type because I am filled with a mixture of deep sadness but also such gratitude…

He is a gift.
To have known him is a gift.
He is a quiet hero.
He is my quiet hero.
To be able to hold his hand now across the ocean is an honour.

I shall miss him terribly, but he will always, always be in my heart.

Thanks to him, I have also had the chance to get to know another lovely soul who is there for him now by his side, in a way I cannot be myself. She may have entered my life in unusual and sad circumstances, but I know my connection with her is one which is going to stand the test of time.

So, this post is for him and everyone else on here. I want to say thank you to all of you. There are obviously some people I have connected with more than others (you know who you are) but even the bloggers I don’t really interact with…they’ve still made me smile, made me think, or laugh—you’ve all brought me something at one point or another, and that means a lot to me.

I wish you all a merry Christmas and hope you celebrate the end of the year with your loved ones. Cherish and treasure them because that’s what it is all about.

Ps: forgive the disjointed write-up but it was put together quickly and on very little sleep.

Image credit: christmas_by_soulkissfaerie @deviantart.com

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63 thoughts on “Merry Christmas”

  2. Merry Christmas!

    I’ve lost a few blogging friends, too. In some ways we can become closer to people on line because they are often revealing their heart to us. I like what you said here, “I have witnessed bravery and dignity that I know I could never be capable of.” That’s what really struck me too, they had such courage and grace.

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    1. Yes, very true. It’s very hard not to get to know someone when they reveal so much of themselves through their writings. I’ve never lost a blogging friend before, I find the whole experience incredibly upsetting.
      And I know, right? The courage and grace…it’s unbelievable! I am in awe of him and anyone who can act with such dignity.
      Thank you for your thoughts, I hope you have a lovely Christmas 🙂

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  4. Merry Christmas, Nathalie.

    This is a lovely and heart-felt tribute to someone who has touched you deeply. For the most part, non-bloggers don’t understand how this kind of relationship can be so emotionally felt.
    … but we do ❤

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    1. Oh yes…*we* do 💜
      Thank you Joanne, I hope you have a lovely Christmas. I bet you have snow, I’m so jealous! Last year you drove me nuts with your posts about being buried in the white stuff. I told you I was jealous then and you told me that I should come and clear the snow from your driveway if that was the case 😉

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      1. Hahaha!! Well, this year I’m doing a happy dance because Husband FINALLY bought a snowblower to clear the driveway. It seems he didn’t like the prospect of shovelling snow by himself this winter since I continue to have restrictions on the use of my shoulder while it tries to heal. Small blessings 🙂

        Yes, we will definitely be having a white Christmas. I’ll make a point of appreciating it knowing that it would be on your wish list ❤

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  7. Merry Christmas, Nathalie. I can remember very early on when I started blogging that a good friend to a lot of people passed away in a car accident, and I thought how horrible it must be to lose someone like that. I am so sorry but glad for him that he has the support of people like you. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas and spend it surrounded by love. ❤

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  9. Merry Christmas my Friend. 💜 Life is suffering…and sometimes we all see too much. My greatest wish is that you will see much less…and that your friend will find peace.

    All my love,

    Eric

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    1. Thank you so much, lovely Eric. I really need a British version of you, one that I can take down the pub for a nice drink while we have a discussion about writing, life and love 🙂
      Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones 💜

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  13. Merry Christmas lovely soul. I’m so glad I found your blog. Beautifully written. Some people just don’t understand but that’s ok. Because others will. I do. I’m so sorry to hear of your friend. I’m watching a friend on-line going through Hell as well. He’s facing it so bravely. It’s hard isn’t it. *hugs* x

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    1. Thank you! I’m so glad I found your blog too because I always *feel* your words. There are times when I think “she’s been in my head” 😉
      I’m really sorry one of your friends is going through hell, it’s so hard online because you feel even more powerless. Sending you (and your friend) positive vibes. Hugs to you too 💜

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  14. Merry Christmas, my dear friend! I know the pain that you are feeling, Nathalie. I recall a beautiful soul, whose name was Anna. She was afflicted with a rare disease, but that never dampened her soul. She was always positive and supportive. Her last post said that she didn’t have much time left and wanted to spend it with her children. Soon after that post, her blog went private, then dark. We connect here as we do face to face. The pain of loss is no different here, either.

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    1. Merry Christmas, Rob!
      I’m so sorry to hear about Anna. It is so, so sad, isn’t it? I seem to remember you writing about this on your blog actually, I thought at the time it was such a sad story.
      I agree with you: the pain of loss is no different here.
      Thank you for sharing 💜

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    1. Love this comment, Meg! My thoughts exactly. I told Vic just a couple of days ago that us lovely sexy freaks all seem to gravitate towards each other on here 😉
      I’m incredibly happy to have connected with you too. Hope you and your loved ones have the best Christmas 💜

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  18. It’s hard to explain to those outside the blog bubble how real these friendships and relationships can be, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. I am glad to have connected with you. Merry Christmas! xxx

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    1. Yes! People who haven’t “lived” it don’t understand it. It’s okay though, *we* do and that’s what matters. Happy to have connected with you too, Al. I’m going to check whether you’ve written something horrific involving birds, in a minute. I hope you have, I’m expecting it! 😉
      Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones 💜 xx

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    1. Aw, what a lovely thing to say! Are you trying to make me cry? I’m that close!
      Thank you, I’m sure my friend appreciates your wishes.
      Wishing you an amazing Christmas too 🙂
      (Wanted to add the tree but couldn’t find it!)

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  23. What a beautiful post and tribute to your friend. So many suffer in silence, pain behind smiles that we never know and yet they do it with such grace and fortitude that we cannot be anything but be humbled by their presence. I missed wishing you a Merry Christmas but I hope that it was a joyful one and that the new year brings health, happiness and much laughter. It is such a pleasure ‘knowing’ you. xo

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