Emotional intelligence

~ Purpleanais

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Creative people. Nothing is ever wasted with us, is it? No matter what happens in our lives, we usually find a way to use it. Being creative is such great therapy, you pour all your emotions into whatever it is you do, and you usually end up feeling all the better for it.

So much of what I’ve written has been motivated by what was going on in my head (and heart) at the time so I understand better than anyone the need to get it out in writing or whatever.

However, I would never write about a specific situation or person without letting them know how I feel first. It’s just basic respect as far as I’m concerned.

I used to have this problem with the narcissist. I would explain to him how I felt and I would get no reply. At all. Nothing. As I obviously didn’t deserve one. But then, eventually I would end up on Facebook or Twitter and…there it was: his indirect reply to me on a public forum where our situation was discussed in details with his friends or followers.

I used to positively hate it! I wasn’t worth talking to directly, instead I had to see it all splashed out in public. This is what I call: “there’s no fucking point to it communication”. It serves no purpose at all but to destabilise the other person – it is thoughtless at best and hurtful at worst. It is an ego trip for the person who decides to air their views in public rather than talk to you directly. Still, the narcissist wasn’t creative at all, and well…he was a narcissist, but I recently interacted with someone who is clearly creative but who also has problems with communicating.

I don’t know why it came as a surprise to me that creative people can also be emotionally stunted. I always assumed that if you were creative, you obviously had the ability to communicate and enough emotional intelligence to do so in an adult manner. I guess I foolishly assumed all creative people were like me – how silly of me.

Image credit: artflakes.com

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45 thoughts on “Emotional intelligence”

  1. I consider myself to be creative but I have a hell of a time trying to communicate my emotions – mainly because I don’t understand them myself. I do a good line of cover in mindless optimism which works most of the time. I would never use such things as a weapon, though – which is what the narcissist seems to have done. Very twisted behaviour indeed.

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    1. Fair enough, if you’re not self aware then I can imagine it’s pretty difficult to articulate how you feel to others.
      But, yes, you said it right: a narcissist uses such tactics as a weapon and that’s a different thing altogether. It is indeed cruel.

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      1. Perhaps, as a narcissist, they subconsciously know it is a weakness and turn it outwards as a weapon against others. Who knows. I am open about my difficulties in such areas so tend to warn people. Some of them help me work on it, which is nice. I am truly sorry you have to experience such things at the hands of such an odious individual.

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      2. I do think that being around others who care really helps one become more self-aware. I’m glad you have people like that in your life 🙂
        As for the rest, the narcissist is now history so that’s not a problem anymore 🙂

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  2. I enjoyed reading this Nathalie. Creative personalities are difficult to pin down, largely because they’re complex, paradoxical, narcissist do not honor boundaries. It is as you so aptly describe, destabilizing and confounding.

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  4. I tend to view artistic people as those who are proficient at exploring rabbit holes. Getting lost in a labyrinth of ideas and concepts. Perhaps that is the reason for the rather indirect way of his response? Speaking of art, I spent the better part of the last two days mucking it up in my studio. What did I accomplish? Well, the mess of wires is now gone, and I managed to articulate exactly 6 notes on a recording. So yeah, the rabbit hole was all consuming for me. 😉

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    1. Haha love the idea of you untangling all those wires 😉
      There is nothing wrong with getting lost in a labyrinth of ideas, as long as you remember that if you want people to care, you have to make a little time for them too. However, if you’re quite happy to walk the walk completely by yourself then get lost completely and totally.

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      3. Not to mention the paucity of notes that this feeble mind was able to record. I wish that I could attribute it to being a tortured artist, but frankly, it’s because I get distracted quite easily and get caught up with things like untangling wires. 😀

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  5. Manon, you bring up such a good point. I used to think that also. I felt that if you were creative you could not possibly be stunted. But the truth is many creative people are incredible arrogant and often quite blind-sighted by said arrogance and/or a deficit in another part of them. Just because you are creative does not equate that you are an insightful or compassionate soul. That means when you are you are usually very sensitive. But if you are not, then you can be the classic narrcissistic type that we often speak of. I would say in my experience of ‘creative types’ it’s about 40/60 with 60 being insensitive and 40 being somewhat or very sensitive. Yes it may be possible to ‘see and feel everything’ in a creative lens but what if the lens is clouded by the ego and the unremitting maw of hunger to consume all that you see without perhaps understanding? I think it’s possible to be creative and not really know outside of that creation, which is almost an oxymoron but it’s true, you can make something incredible but not really ‘get it’ I’ve seen that and it baffles me but happens. So then the one who is able to truly understand in a strange way may not be the famous artist, in fact every artist I have known has been horribly arrogant and not at all self-aware. Writers can be like that too, I have met many who ‘claim’ the badge of sensitivity but end up being an empty vessel. Maybe it just means we shouldn’t assume a creative person is able to understand any better than a non creative person. I didn’t used to think that possible until I had a breakdown and the one person who came through and really understood was someone I thought had no emotional insight, and there was me thinking I had so much (ha ha ha) our roles were reversed, the truth known, it stands on its head and fucks with us just when we think we have it. Ha. Life.

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    1. Well, next time I’m in doubt I should go straight to you. I suspect you’re right and that a lot of creative people are too self-absorbed to be emotionally intelligent. I think I said it right when I foolishly assumed that everyone was like me. Why would they be? I’m fucking INFJ and that’s just the rarest type on the planet so that was a stupid assumption for me to make.

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  6. My second great love was a musician. I discovered that beautiful melodies and breathtaking lyrics don’t always transfer to the real world… And the melancholy of an artistic mind can be overwhelming. And I kind of sympathize. I think I’m not an easy partner. I’m self aware at least … ❤

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    1. Yes, I think I kind of suspected creative people could be emotionally stunted but I never really had to realise and accept it until recently.
      I’m not easy either, but I am also self aware and I think that’s really important

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    1. Oh, we all do that! The number of times I’ve been on the internet drunk out of my mind…someone once said there should be a special device on my phone to automatically block internet access if I was inebriated 😉

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  9. Society as a whole has trouble communicating so it’s not an isolated occurrence. Sometimes no one listens and sometimes creative people can communicate without words like drawing a heart on a steamy bathroom mirror. Also, perhaps there’s more of a solitude with the creative.

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  10. Pingback: Emotional intelligence -arwenaragorns | nz

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