On the outside, I was
well put-together, a polished shell
luxurious mane of dark hair
skin delicate porcelain
bright cyan eyes
popular, clever, straight A’s
window dressing at best—
at worse, half-truths and lies
which were betrayed
by chewed-up nails
hands continuously restless
overflowing ashtrays
piling up around me like used cars
in a dealer’s yard
I ran with scissors
juggled with razors
under the cover of darkness
this, the predators
knew, felt
they could smell weakness
a need to love and help
so great
it would seal my fate
tie me to a runaway train
for more years than I could bear
they—could hardly believe their luck
couldn’t wait to fuck me
and fuck me up
defective and mean
they’d bite
claws digging into soft flesh
they’d forgotten or didn’t recognise kindness
perhaps never knew it,
lacked it, hence hated it
either way it came to the same thing
and it’d always end in the same fashion
I’d bleed, weep
my tears falling, for myself
but mostly for them
I hadn’t managed to fix my pain
but even worse, I hadn’t fixed theirs

*Posted last year but I like it. I’ve grown tougher over the last few years, thank f**k, but overall, this is such an accurate description of my (early) life. Oh, and on reflection, the pic of my eye is slightly creepy, sorry about that.*

47 thoughts on “Empath

  1. You would be a Goddess to fix others’ pain.
    I see you would love to, but well, pain comes from many places…. and not cyan eyes or what they might see can express or cure.
    That’s just my take, however.
    You are a wonderful soul, forging ahead in spite of criticism, fortune or other worldly intervention.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aquileana and I have done 2 Goddesses together, Mnemesyne & Artemis. I design and make an Art Gown (I would love it if you checked out the blog when you have time https://artgowns.com/ ) and she does the literature. I’m not sure which one you saw, but I am happy you did.
        Further, when we collaborate, we always have a poet join us.
        Our next project will be Goddess Athena. That will be in January or February of 2018. We have no poet attached, yet. Are you interested? I adore your work.


  2. You probably are tough as nails. So? That is you who are. And from what I gather, you don’t seem to be scare easily, particularly when it comes to telling the truth. Very repectable. (Probablement pas facile tous les jours, mais c’est comme ça) 😉
    Creepy eye? Why? Not bloodshot or anything. “Cousinly Green-blue”. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah oui, nous avons déjà discuté de ça – les mêmes yeux 🙂
      Et oui c’est vrai que je ne peux faire autrement que dire ce que je pense – et non ce n’est pas facile tous les jours mais on est comme on est, hein! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When? That’s a good question. Not anytime soon I don’t think. I’m still in shock as well but not as angry as I was – I’m just tired now. If I look back, it’s the Charlie Hebdo massacre which really traumatised me and it’s still the most unbelievable thing for me. Cartoonists in Paris…nope, still can’t believe it after all this time. And can’t get over Cabu. Every week I saw him on kid’s TV, he was my childhood. Gosh, it’s madness. And the Bataclan, alors? Ce sont des temps fous.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes. Charlie, Wolinski and Cabu… can’t get over them. So the others? One after the other. Une dame a demandé près d’Aix: “Combien de temps on va se laisser trucider?”


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