Insomnia

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Another year older, time zips past – a demented hare in this sometimes beautiful, often hellish race.

A great wave is rising – I am divided equally between making a stand, fighting, resisting

and letting it drown everything, everyone, the brave as well as the underserving.

My great love affair with words might be over. Too many times they’ve been used and abused – lies, propaganda, hysterical agendas.

And so it means that night, when it comes, brings on the usual insomnia.

The horrid fight starts, it saps any remaining strength,
motionless,
eyes wide open in the dark,
unseeing, looking inwards,
where thoughts circle, twist, turn, chase away rest,
decisions made, unmade, strings of fears appearing, vanishing,
night is heavy, it shivers – this is the dark of the tomb, my mind whispers.
In the distance, something, a great sphinx enigmatic,
peace, elusive, far out of reach
every night I try I but never reach it and I know I never will.

Mornings are harsh, eyes blurry, marked, mind weary, day or night there’s nowhere to hide. And so I put on the mask, a smile, which hopefully won’t slip – in public at least – though of course it does, I’ve never been good with lies.

Tick tock, awake around the clock, how long till I break, till all life drains,
All I need is a clean sweep, all I yearn for is deep, blissful sleep.

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32 thoughts on “Insomnia

  1. “My great love affair with words might be over. Too many times they’ve been used and abused – lies, propaganda, hysterical agendas.” Never give in, my friend. And happy birthday, Nathalie. You look fantastic. As do your shoes. LOVE THOSE SHOES!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Life’s sucked for the past month. I lost my drummer and life long best friend. He passed suddenly in February. 😦 Please, please, please do not let the droning whines of the left defeat you. What did you do for your birthday? And yes, I adore those shoes! ❤

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  2. Bon anniversaire ma grande. Un an de plus qu’on a en moins. That’s the way it is.
    Love affair with words? It will never be over. Part of you. You can’t really escape them.
    They’ve been misused? Abused? So? Once your words are out on paper or screen, they’re not yours anymore.
    So don’t worry about the morons who will always twist things. Let them howl in vain.
    your job is to put the words out there in the open. Stops there.
    Insomnie? Happens to me sometimes. The only trick: don’t fight it. Go with the tide. Turn on the light, grab a book until you doze.
    And if you don’t? Doze? Well, you will have read a good book. (Hehe!)
    Ne te laisse pas abattre. 🙂
    Bz
    B.
    PS. Ça fait quand même plaisir de te revoir par ici. Les prochains posts seront pleins d’allant.
    😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha! Les prochains posts seront pleins d’allant? Peut être. Le problème c’est que je n’ai plus le temps d’écrire pour le blog, et que c’est uniquement quand j’en ai gros sur le cœur que je pose des mots sur une page. Quand tout va bien – ce qui est la plupart du temps, bien que le blog ne reflète pas ça – c’est motus et bouche cousue 😉
      Quand aux mots being “abused and misused” je faisais allusion à l’horreur qu’on vit en ce moment en Angleterre avec l’extrême gauche qui nous empêche littéralement de dire quoi que ce soit. Political correctness has gone too far, on est en train de nous tuer notre free speech, je pourrais en pleurer si je n’étais pas aussi furieuse.
      Alors bon l’insomnie, hein, je vis avec ça depuis des années and I never fight it. I read, walk around, do anything but lie in bed getting agitated.
      En tous cas, ça me fait plaisir aussi d’avoir des nouvelles, j’espère que tout va bien?
      Bisous
      Nat

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No news good news? 🙂 Bon à savoir. Political (stupidity) correctness? C’est du fascisme de gauche. Et très répandu de par le monde, malheureusement. Augmenté par une réécriture de tout… Pas terrible. Enfin!
        Ici ça va aussi bien que possible. Un triste anniversaire s’approche mais il n’y a pas grand chose à faire.
        Bisous too.
        😉
        Brieuc

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  3. Yes, time is zipping by.
    I’d rather have a Zippo lighter. Then, I could set the world on fire, which was my original attempt.
    You write, too, well to stop, and it’s in your blood. Ink is blood to you.
    Happy belated BD, and don’ worry, you look marvelous, simply marvelous!
    I”m glad you came by my blog. I’ve missed visiting you. My old laptop cacked out. Although getting a new computer is no excuse for being remiss, I have been so. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you and please don’t apologise! I’ve been off WordPress for ages simply because I’ve had no time for it. I’m trying to catch up but there are so many people and so many posts! As it happens you were on my priority list 😉

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