Anyone who’s followed this blog for a while will know I’ve been studying for a Master’s in Creative Writing for the past 2 years.
Well, it’s officially over. On Monday I got the result of my 15,000 words on Freedom of Speech. I knew all along my chosen subject was highly risky in the current climate, but I felt compelled to write about it.
Monday was tough – the result came in a day early – I didn’t get the high mark I was hoping for. I should say I was hoping against all odds.
I’m one of those annoying people who is academic, who gets the A* and the distinctions, etc…it’s embarrassing to admit and it’s rather sad but on Monday when I saw the mark I was awarded I wanted to cry. I DID actually cry later on in the day. People were congratulating me on having passed and I was thinking: Nat, you’re a failure.
I did try to put a brace face on it for the benefit of others: “I kept my integrity and that’s more important than a distinction” I told them. But oh, how I wanted that fucking distinction!
So I mourned all of Monday. I did think WHY didn’t you pick a subject that wasn’t controversial?
By Tuesday I was over it. I knew what I was doing when I chose free speech, I knew the risk – someone said when I told them what I would be writing about: “striking in the heart of academia, it’s bold, I like it” – I knew I wouldn’t end the masters on a high, grade-wise, but there was genuinely nothing I’d rather have written about than Freedom of Speech. So now the mourning is over, I can honestly say I have no regrets and that integrity IS indeed more important than a distinction.
I’ve been fighting for freedom of speech for so long, it has cost me friends, lots of followers on this blog, it has caused me untold grief already but I will never stop because it’s something I passionately believe in and the assault on free speech has been relentless in the last couple of years.
But, anyway, I have a Master’s now – I guess that makes me a writer. An opinionated, controversial type apparently, but I wouldn’t have it any other fucking way.
Oh, And I’m in a selfie mood today –