Hero

smoke_man_by_cat_girl_q8

I’m not asking you to:
Scale the walls
of creepy castles
Dive into a medieval moat
Slice anybody’s throat
Send complex smoke signals
Ride into the savage storm
shooting scarlet arrows
Battle blood-curdling cyclops
Wrestle wild aurochs
Banish ghouls or ghosts
I’m not asking you
to be brave, a saint, a hero

Why would I?
When you’re not even able
to return a fucking phone call

Image credit: cat-girl-q8.deviantart.com

*First posted last year, but there’s always a fuckwit it can apply to*

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Autumn – The Shock of the Fall.

This is a witty & rather lovely post about Autumn (my favourite season!) by my (really talented) friend Tom.
Please go and like on his blog.

Idle blogs of an idle fellow

The English are frequently accused of talking about the weather, that’s if they can be interrupted, but there’s just so much of the bloody stuff that it’s hard not to. Unlike Australia for example, were weather forecasts in Coober Pedy have remained unchanged since the 1940s – they just press play after the ‘news’. If you listen carefully you can hear Anzacs returning from the war in the background. Besides, the English can’t ask if it’s teatime all the time. Well, we can, but the weather’s a permanent option once you have that cuppa in hand.

October is a busy time of year, with the weather as predictable as a compass at a magnet party. The temperature plays it’s usual autumnal tricks of appearing far colder from the window than it actually is outside. Not that this stops many people forgetting all about Autumn and thinking Winter starts when Summer…

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Upgrade

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Someone said today
I should upgrade iOS
but no way,
it’s the world that’s due an upgrade
not my phone
I’m not even asking for anything difficult,
(Ok, I kind of am)
not demanding we get rid of all evil,
just
reality TV, most stupid people
political correctness
terrorism and fucking candles
victims cards should be abolished —
play the game properly
without constant tears and whining
if you can’t handle it
for fuck sake, don’t play
why make everybody miserable
every time you stumble
fall
and blame, always blame
everyone but yourself
has nobody
got any sense of responsibility
anymore?
don’t answer that, don’t tell me
I used to be filled to the brim
with feelings and empathy
these days my finger is on the trigger
of a metaphorical gun
I’m all out of patience
no I haven’t got a license
to carry
neither do the jihadists
come to think of it
yet they kill
with impunity
in a war we’re not fighting
as we’re not even allowed to admit
it exists
if you think I’m angry
too right, I’m often fucking seething
and not just because of ISIS
or the refugee crisis
I’m applying lipstick
I bought in Paris
it’s bright red, it’s Chanel
and what I see in the mirror
is the colour of blood
on my lips
I taste nails and excuses
acrid smoke
rusty razor blades
bitter flavours
requesting a whisky chaser
so yes, I need an upgrade
to wipe out the horror, the terror
I’m not going to get it from Apple
though
or a society so goddamn brittle

Image credit: Apple Vortex on deviantart.com

Empath

image

On the outside, I was
well put-together, a polished shell
luxurious mane of dark hair
skin delicate porcelain
bright cyan eyes
popular, clever, straight A’s
window dressing at best—
at worse, half-truths and lies
which were betrayed
by chewed-up nails
hands continuously restless
overflowing ashtrays
piling up around me like used cars
in a dealer’s yard
I ran with scissors
juggled with razors
under the cover of darkness
this, the predators
knew, felt
they could smell weakness
a need to love and help
so great
it would seal my fate
tie me to a runaway train
for more years than I could bear
they—could hardly believe their luck
couldn’t wait to fuck me
and fuck me up
defective and mean
they’d bite
claws digging into soft flesh
they’d forgotten or didn’t recognise kindness
perhaps never knew it,
lacked it, hence hated it
either way it came to the same thing
and it’d always end in the same fashion
I’d bleed, weep
my tears falling, for myself
but mostly for them
I hadn’t managed to fix my pain
but even worse, I hadn’t fixed theirs

*Posted last year but I like it. I’ve grown tougher over the last few years, thank f**k, but overall, this is such an accurate description of my (early) life. Oh, and on reflection, the pic of my eye is slightly creepy, sorry about that.*

Connections

When you are as fussy with everything (people included) as I am, connections are rare and you loathe to sever them. However, sometimes you have to, for whatever reason.
It happened to me last week and being the over-thinker that I am, I worried that although it was sort of a mutual decision, my parting words might have hurt the other person’s feelings.
I thought that it was more than likely I had expressed myself rather clumsily, that I gave the impression I hadn’t appreciated the connection fully, that I’d diminished it. I basically started wishing I could erase the last week and start again. 
So, I was hit with a pang of guilt and regret, but what was done was done.
Not long afterwards, I realised that this “connection” had unfollowed me both on social media and WP and had also removed me from their list of followers.
Why the unnecessary drama? We interacted for a while and it was fine until we had a conflict – it lasted a day and it wasn’t anything major. That we stopped talking privately as a result is one thing, but to go through the whole unfollowing thing as well? If they really had to unfollow me, then, fine, I can accept that choice though I don’t understand it, but to remove me from their list of followers was just ridiculous – there was nothing to warrant that, we hadn’t had a major falling-out or anything. Maybe I wanted to keep on enjoying their writing? Forcing people to unfollow you is such a silly thing to do anyway when you’re on a public platform – you can’t stop people from looking at your content unless you go the private route.
There is also the fact this person had said (repeatedly) that they admired my mind and creativity. They can’t have meant it because if they had, they wouldn’t have taken active steps so that I wouldn’t appear on their feed anywhere.
I, however, did mean it when I said I enjoyed their writing, and liked their mind, which is why I will keep on reading them – even if I have been removed from ‘lists’ – though not just yet, because right now everything I liked and still do about them is overshadowed by this…pettiness that I really didn’t expect.
I just feel that life is too short for unnecessary drama.

(Song makes sense to me, in relation to this, though it probably won’t for anyone else – and I make no apology for the Noel Gallagher worship)

It’s all over for now

Night King and Dragon

I wrote a little something after every episode this season so I have to add my final thoughts.

The finale was VERY satisfying, despite how they’ve rushed things to get to it.

The fact Arya and Sansa were playing Littlefinger all along was a “thank fuck for that” moment, because the alternative would have made no sense, especially (as I said last week) with Bran being this all-knowing person now. So Littlefinger’s days of plotting and scheming are over – about time.

The whole meeting in the Dragon pit was interesting, stellar acting from Lena Headey (Cersei), as per usual. The fact the meeting didn’t really achieve anything was no surprise, it was a silly idea – it was obvious bringing a wight to Cersei was never going to sway her. That meeting happened for one reason only: so we could get all the main protagonists in one place.

I really enjoyed the scene between Cersei and Tyrion, I was also incredibly relieved Jaime finally called time on his relationship with his demented sister – I knew he would do the right thing in the end. It just made sense, but their parting was nonetheless heartbreaking.

Jon and Dany did the deed. Humph. I found that scene kinda sickly. It’s strange because incest didn’t disturb me when it was Cersei and Jaime – theirs was such a fascinating relationship and it really felt like love, especially in the first few seasons. But Jon and Dany, I can’t get with it.

I know we have been told by different characters that they were “falling for each other”, etc…but I never saw it myself. When did they? They looked at each other a bit, ok, but didn’t really spend that much time together, didn’t really have meaningful talks…it just doesn’t feel right. They have got together because it’s expected, because it adds a twist, but not because they have been swept away by love and lust – I’m just not buying it. I can’t be the only one to see there’s zero chemistry between them two. 

That’s another difference between this incestuous love affair and the Lannister one: Cersei and Jaime, we have seen their relationship grow and evolve over time (all 7 seasons) while Jon and Dany met and pretty much got together instantly – it was rushed, like so many other things in season 7.

Also, Jon has been confirmed as Aegon Targaryen – rightful heir to the throne. We all knew by now, but to have Bran look back and say it was still a satisfying moment. Or it was for me anyway, as I started championing Jon as the Targaryen who was the legitimate heir YEARS ago when most people looked at me rather dubiously when I mentioned it.
Will any of us be able to stop calling him Jon though? I doubt it.

The wall crumbling gave us some breathtaking scenes. That dead dragon is as awesome as I thought it would be. It’s just a shame the plot plunged to ridiculous depths to have the Night King acquire his WMD. I’m sure he could have done so in a much more believable way. But anyway, that ending was epic, the sight of the White Walkers and their army standing underneath the wall before it was breached and they marched ahead was fucking fantastic.

How long will we have to wait for the ending? Some have said it might take 2 years, I bloody hope not but it probably will. Apparently there will only be 6 episodes in the last season, that worries me because we still have to deal with the White Walkers, Jon finding out about who he really is, how it’s going to affect his relationship with Dany, who’s finally going to end on the Iron Throne, etc…I bet they are going to rush the ending, like they rushed this season. I’d rather wait longer and for them to really do things properly, but of course it is not up to me.

In any case, I can’t wait for the ending though I’m going to be distraught when it’s all over. Despite the many flaws this last season, Game of Thrones is incredible TV. After the finale last night, I was so pumped up I couldn’t sleep for ages even though I had stayed up till 2am to watch it – as I have been doing every Sunday since Season 7 started.

On a final note, I must say the soundtrack has been absolutely amazing – I don’t think I had mentioned it up to now.

Winter has come, will it ever end? We must wait to find out.

Why?

He was just unlucky, he says, as he aligns his pills neatly on the table, each in the exact order it has to be taken. His face wears deep lines, his eyes are dull, his skin is that sickly off-white hue, his body is somehow reduced, shrunken – a man old before his time. And he is not even bitter.

“Nobody knew” he mumbles. “How could we have known?”

How indeed? Who could have guessed sex had turned into a game of Russian roulette?

On second thought, he thinks he was fortunate, actually, considering. He’s been ill on and off for 20 years, his body is ravaged by the more or less constant battles, but he is, after all, still alive when so many others aren’t. He attended countless funerals in his late 20’s, until he stopped going to them because he feared he had become desensitised.

We are talking via FaceTime and there’s no way I want him to see the tears in my eyes, so I force a smile and tell him that huge framed Madonna poster on the wall behind him is freaking me out.

He laughs, and orders me in that mock angry voice not to diss the queen.

I start singing “Like A Prayer”. He carries on, and we both can’t sing for shit but we slowly get into it, we know all the words of course, and go through the entire song, hand clapping and all, and by the end I think a little bit of colour has appeared on his sunken cheeks.

“80’s pop really was the best, wasn’t it?” He grins.

“Well, duh.”

We both laugh for no actual reason, and just like that, we are transported back to a time when we used to sing enthusiastically and dance crazily and laugh hysterically, a time when the future was still waiting, full of promises, a future that was uncertain, though if we were sure of one thing, it was this: we would always be friends.

And in this at least, we were right.

*Songs chosen because both he and I loved them then and still do. I’ve sweated buckets dancing to “Why?” over the years, it’s a fantastic song and it was just so incredibly relevant. As for “Smalltown Boy”, the 12 inch version is one of my favourite songs ever – it makes my top 10 list, easy.*

Update

It is sad I have to say this, but I clearly do:

I don’t identify with the alt-right
I have NO sympathy for neo-Nazis
I don’t think ALL liberals are bad people

My post about liberals attracted such comments:

You said destroying statues was worse than killing people.
You said fascists are anyone whose opinion you disagree with.
You said we shouldn’t worry about neo-Nazis as they are not dangerous.

(This is just a selection)

I said NONE of those things.

I really, really don’t mind people disagreeing with me as long as they at least understand what I was saying to start with. What’s the use of debating if you have your own special interpretation of what I said?

Somebody I thought I knew a little told me yesterday: “…in my fascistly liberal uncaring opinion…” when I had told this person – clearly – you are NOT a fascist liberal.
The same person followed with the fact that some young liberals they personally knew were not fascists either…when I had ALSO explained that my broad rule and divide of liberals into an older and younger generation was not foolproof and that – of course – there were exceptions in both groups.

So, ‘liberally’ interpreting my words and choosing their own version of what I was actually saying …why? I have no idea, but I was baffled and appalled.

This person thought my comment had been patronising. Right. Well, maybe it read that way if you didn’t understand it. But even if it was, how about the fact you’re talking to me as if I implied ‘this’ and ‘that’ when I made it clear to you I had not? What about that? What would you call it? Would you say that’s worse than being patronising? Because I would.

There was also the guy who knew everything there was to know about anarchy, the former Soviet Union, communism, fascism – you name it, he knew it. I have to give it to him, the guy is a fountain of knowledge. However, he was totally incapable of analysing anything. That’s the thing, an encyclopaedia is only useful if you, er…know how to use it.
This guy was also the worse culprit when it came to completely misunderstanding everything I said. He never addressed any of my points either while accusing me of that very thing.

I said: “Trump supporters have been physically attacked ever since before he became president.”

And he replied with: “… in 1930, such and such happened, also the relationship between Ukraine and Russia…and also 200 years ago, they did…blah blah blah.”

You know SO much, it’s great, but what the hell has it got to do with what I just said?? How does it apply?? Explain this to me instead of throwing in a free History lesson.

Hence there was a lot of ridiculous back and forth between me and this person and he ended up wasting his time as well as mine.

I am so very glad I wrote my “Liberal post” because some of the reactions to it proved my point perfectly: a lot of liberals cannot handle anyone disagreeing with them and if you dare do that, you MUST be right-wing. They want to re-write history by pulling down statues, discriminating against whites and the ‘privileged’ and they also like to rewrite what you said because it’s so much easier than trying to understand where you’re coming from.

How fucking sad. Nobody knows what I meant to say better than I, since I was the one who wrote it, so STOP putting words in my mouth. AND I despise the alt-right as much as I despise the hard left so don’t lump me together with people I don’t have anything in common with. It seems the concept of there being many shades of grey in between black and white is impossible to grasp for many.

But, as I said the other day and I won’t repeat myself, it’s no wonder people keep quiet when they are attacked and labelled in such a manner.

It’s funny because I – who’s apparently some kind of Nazi – when I read something I’m not sure about, if I’m in doubt as to what the author meant, I don’t go in all guns blazing with name calling and accusations, I ask questions, calmly. How outrageous of me.

I wrote numerous posts denouncing Trump in the last year – I had lots of people telling me they disagreed with me, but apart from one person I can recall, nobody was actually aggressive, nobody personally attacked me, nobody made me feel like utter shite for having an opinion.

However, every single time I’ve written about liberals, there’s been awful name calling, personal attacks, bullying, and in a couple of particular bad cases: stalking, with actual threats made towards me and my family.

The worst thing I ever heard was: “I hope you have children so you can watch them die slowly and painfully.” – yep, that was a liberal, not the alt-right.

There will be those now who will jump to the conclusion I just said the alt-right is incapable of insulting and bullying etc…that is NOT what I am saying. Of course they can be vile and hateful, the difference is that I haven’t personally experienced it (which does NOT mean it doesn’t happen!) AND that I would expect that type of behaviour from them – far more than I would expect it from Liberals.

I will not stop writing those type of posts, though I get lots of grief every time I do.
As I said to that fountain of knowledge the other day, you don’t have to kill people to hurt them and cause damage.

It is worth noting I didn’t just wake up one day and decided that liberals are responsible for all the ills of the world (I don’t think that either)
I have just noticed over the last few years a growing and worrying trend among liberals to insult, bully, demonise and to force their opinions on everyone else. It has been my experience – it doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY experience or even the only one worthy – but it’s been mine and I’m entitled to write about it – this is called free speech.

All that said, special thanks go to Rob who always debates calmly and reasonably. I’m not saying this because he happened to agree with my latest post, because Rob and I have disagreed about Trump in the past, but we managed to do it while remaining friendly with each other – shocking.
Also thank you to Brieuc who came in late last night to read my post and offered a rational, informed opinion. It was so refreshing and it made up a little for some of the unfair and unjustified comments that had come my way previously. This was one of my points in my last post: I will never stop speaking my mind, but it doesn’t mean I’m made of stone and don’t get affected when people verbally abuse me.
Something, maybe, to think about.