Cathedral

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The fragile spring light through stained glass
sifted and soft, diluted – almost as if not allowed
to enter this hallowed place where in shrouds,
every day, forgotten saints witness the new mass

I am awed by this place of worship – the grandiosity
From every angle, virtue, skill – stunning and beautiful
So why can’t I feel anything but cold, no presence at all
inside this
Testament to – Man’s Faith or the Foolishness of Humanity
I guess both are true equally

Written by Nathalie, April 6th 2015

Image credit: notvitruvian.deviantart.com

Grief

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I woke up to some sad news today. I felt the curtain of grief falling and enveloping me. Writing is my coping mechanism in such situations (as in so many others) but I don’t have the energy for it right now. The following post is from the archives: I’m not reblogging it but posting it as new because the intro didn’t apply due to different circumstances, so I’ve taken that out and another sentence half-way through – the rest of it is intact and pretty much how I feel right now.
You all have a beautiful day: life is transient and fragile – make sure you suck out all the marrow of it.

Originally posted on this blog in 2014:

Isn’t it true that every time we lose someone, we also lose a little piece of ourselves?
How many times can we go through that process until there’s nothing left?

Isn’t it true that every time we lose someone, the world grows a little darker?
How long until all the light is gone?

Isn’t it true that every time we lose someone, our heart becomes a little harder?
How long until we can’t feel anymore?

Isn’t it true that every time we lose someone, our spirit is diminished?
How long until we become soulless shells?

Grief is in the natural order – it is part of life.
But when grief throws a dark veil over your life and drains all the colours out of it – grief becomes a monster that needs to be slayed so you can regain your grasp on reality.

When grief threatens to swallow you whole, it is necessary to go in search of that elusive inner strength, needed to defeat the monster.

Grief, cold hard grief, which has no pity and doesn’t discriminate against anyone. It lays its icy fingers on strong and weak alike, with the same frigid indifference.

Grief is like wandering through a lugubrious castle, where all the doors are locked – colliding with endless uncaring walls and seemingly no way of escape

Today: grief has won – the monster has fed copiously and is full. It has left me empty, vacant, used, abused and useless.

Today: I cannot see even a dim light at the end of the tunnel. But I’m aware that it’s there, waiting for me, like a shining beacon that patiently and confidently waits for me to make my way to it.

Tomorrow I will start that journey, drag my somber and despondent self through the process again – shaking the gloom away and retrieving my essence, my core, my spirit… which will enable me to find and embrace the light.

Tomorrow is a brand new dawn gleaming with infinite and untold possibilities.

Tomorrow I will reach the myriads of colours presently out of my reach and bring back vividness into my life.
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Image credit: izquotes.com and “Weeping Angel” photograph by McElroy, sculpture by William Wetmore Story

The Cathedral

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The fragile spring light through stained glass
Sifted and soft, diluted – almost as if not allowed
To enter this hallowed place where in shrouds
Every day forgotten saints witness the new mass

I am awed by this place of worship – the grandiosity
From every angle, virtue, skill – stunning and beautiful
So why can’t I feel anything but cold, no presence at all
Inside this
Testament to – Man’s Faith or the foolishness of Humanity
I guess both are true equally

More British Museum

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I haven’t had time to write very much lately, (for the blog in any case) — so I thought I would post some more photographs taken last Friday at the British Museum.

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled”.

Plutarch

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“Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift”.

Albert Einstein

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“Without culture, and the relative freedom it implies, society, even when perfect, is but a jungle. This is why any authentic creation is a gift to the future.”
― Albert Camus

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“A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots”.
Marcus Garvey

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“Art is never finished, only abandoned.”
Leonardo da Vinci

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“Art is much less important than life, but what a poor life without it.”
Robert Motherwell

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The Room of Enlightenment

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My favourite room in the British Museum is the Enlightenment Gallery, formerly known as the King’s Library. The lighting in the room is purposefully soft — it reinforces the feeling of stepping back in time and the immersion in culture and knowledge, although the reason for the soft lighting is actually to do with preserving the room itself. It is such a striking room full of precious and gorgeous things, that no matter how many times you visit the gallery, you are always struck anew by the beauty of it. If you ever find yourself in London, it is a must-see.

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The City of Light, again.

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It’s funny (or prescient) that on Friday I was reminiscing about last year’s Paris trip  – because that very same night, Sweet Boy suggested a day trip there for my birthday. Well, not on my actual birthday but that same week. Providing he can get the time off work as well. But still, I may just be seeing the city of light again very soon.
A day wandering across this unique city soaking up the atmosphere is just what I need to replenish my French soul. A few more photographs out of the hundreds I took last year is in order. And a couple of quotes too.

“He who contemplates the depths of Paris is seized with vertigo.
Nothing is more fantastic. Nothing is more tragic.
Nothing is more sublime.”
― Victor Hugo

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The Eiffel Tower has to be seen at night when it’s illuminated. It could be seen from the hotel, keeping an ever watchful guard in the background

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Because I’m classy (ha!) 100 Euro note next to a glass of wine and surrounded by French bread crumbs 🙂

“I guess it goes to show that you just never know where life will take you. You search for answers. You wonder what it all means. You stumble, and you soar. And, if you’re lucky, you make it to Paris for a while.”
― Amy Thomas

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“The best of America drifts to Paris. The American in Paris is the best American. It is more fun for an intelligent person to live in an intelligent country. France has the only two things toward which we drift as we grow older—intelligence and good manners.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Passage of Time – and Paris

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It’s my birthday in 10 days. If I was on Twitter right now, I’d use the hashtag scary….. because where the fuck have the last 12 months gone?
I could swear it was only a few months ago that I went to Paris to celebrate successfully getting through yet another year. A few months, 4, maybe 5 tops. But it was 12, an entire year!
There’s no getting away from it, the older you get and the faster time passes. It’s like, you know that small trickle you get from a spring in drought time? That’s what time is like when you’re young and blissfully unaware – but when you get older the trickle is a terrifying fucking waterfall.
Daunting. Petrifying. Truly chilling. And now I’m gonna quit with the synonyms and the drama and give you a few random pics of that Paris trip that happened a while ago. An entire year ago. My hairdresser had just started my hair transition: getting me from red to blonde, hence why I look weird – my hair was in between colours and looking awful. Plus, I hadn’t slept in 2 days by the time I got to Paris, which made the Museum visits an interesting affair. Gosh, it was a great trip all the same #LookingBack

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One of the many amazing ceilings in the Louvre
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Not looking very impressed for some reason – I think I wasn’t in the mood for yet another photograph, hence the hard stare

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Gotta love Venus – I make sure I go and see her regularly

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The controversial Pyramid – I ❤ it!

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The entrance to the Musée d’Orsay which used to be a train station – fantastic building full of gorgeous works of art
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Musée d’Orsay from above
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One of my favourite paintings ever – for the drama, impact, skill and the symbol of course